easing into today

I have to confess, I called 'out' to work this morning. Actually

I knew things were bad yesterday and I felt it would be beneficial -

I rarely do this (haven't this year yet)

so yesterday afternoon I texted and my manager said 'ok.'

She's great... I feel bad but I also know I needed to do something

for myself.

----

What's been on my mind lately is the idea of caring for each other. I have a new fellow employee

who is super sweet and kind and just in the process of helping her at the job...that 'constant adjustment

to each other' came to the forefront of my mind. It is the meaning of life really in a sense - we have

our 'personal pursuits', but then 'each other' along the way...

That has become a really big center of focus. At work and at home. It's like I have found myself and center.

I think the pandemic has help create at atmosphere of fear and isolation but it's also

also accentuated the intensity of our relationships - but when I think about my life and moving forward..my personal pursuits - I realized that at times I've gotten stuck on the "IDEAL" of a situation for myself at times - rather than the "NATURE" of life... or the 'nature of myself.'

Feeling the sting of the ideal at first and then the calming of contemplating the nature of life the adjustment for each other and the adjusting for my personal nature too - has been

a way for me to regroup.

I know I am not alone - maybe the pandemic has just really effected me - but sure is true it has so many others....!!!

So, in my mind, this morning, life has made me think about the monastery I've been to and where a friend lives..

and I've been thinking about going there again. I think I wrote on a post reply that I think I need to adjust

my expectations for my life - and this thinking about the "IDEAL" vs "the NATURE and or my nature " has helped me

resolve things in a satisfactory/easing way.

I am defnitely wacky - but I feel like some things are resolving here....I can't wait for my therapy session 

in about an hour...