Early start to the day today...
Today has technically already started, since it its 6:44 am right now. The only problem with that is that I never got to sleep last night. So fairly soon I need to try to get some sleep. It's an odd feeling have my days and nights mixed up like this. Last night couldn't be helped though, because I had to get my grocery shopping done. If I hadn't done that then today I would have literally had " nothing " to eat.
My niece didn't show up here at my apartment till about 1:30 am. By the time we left, got to the store, and finally finished grocery shopping, it was around 3 am ! Once we got back to my apartment, and her bf helped her unload all of my groceries, it was approx. 3:30 am ! I was simply too wound up after all of that to go right to sleep. I've been trying to relax and unwind, but it hasn't been working very well. Tonight I think I'm going to use the otc sleep aid I bought at the grocery store to help me get some " normal " sleep.
I hate having to depend on others for a ride to the grocery store, but it can't be helped. I haven't had a car since 2004, and even if I had a car now I wouldn't be able to afford the upkeep. Plus I wouldn't be able to drive it anyway, because of my bad knees. Last year I had to make a tough choice. I decided to relinquish my driver's license when it was time to renew it. To renew it I would have had to take a driving test, and I knew before even trying that it would have been pretty much impossible because of my bad knees. I opted to have an state id. card instead. That wasn't a good day. At 45 years old, I realized that I was really way too young to have to give up my driver's license, but it was unavoidable. It's beside the point anyway, since there's no way I could ever come up with the money, or even the financing to be able to get a car again; much less afford the upkeep of it once I had it.
This leaves me with having to depend on anyone I can find to give me a ride to the grocery store about 2 times a month. For a long while now it's always ended up being my niece that helps me out. I have two older sisters, but one of them lives in a different state, and even the one that lives in my state is still way too far away to help me. I have an older brother too, but there's no way I would ever ask him for help. Besides, I'm positive beyond a doubt that he would never agree to come all the way to my apartment to give me a ride to the grocery store. His home is about a one to two hour drive from my apartment. While that's really not that far a distance, for him he would make it seem like I was asking him to drive a hundred miles to do me a favor. He's far too selfish, and self-centered, to go out of his way to help anyone. That's always been his way.
Sometimes when I look back on my life, I wish I could turn back Time and redo many things. There's many parts of my life that I would do differently if I could. Hindsight doesn't help a thing. I know it doesn't. The past is gone. All we truly have is today, since tomorrow isn't guaranteed.
I used to be much more of an optimist about the future before my Mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I always assumed that my parents would enjoy many wonderful years together after my Dad retired. I imagined them doing a lot of traveling. Even if they didn't do much traveling, still I pictured them doing many " fun things " together to make every day an adventure filled with joy, happiness, and love. Instead of having all of that now, as I imagined, and as they both deserved to have... now they have a constant struggle every day, and night, due to my Mom's Parkinson's disease. My Dad is extremely stressed from taking care of Mom, and Mom's condition has progressed to a terrible point. Her Parkinson's disease has progressed so much at this point that during her last doctor's appt. the doctor decided to decrease her medication by ' half ". He decided this because he said at this point the medication isn't helping curb her symptoms much at all, and the possible side affects from the medications may be actually making her symptoms worse.
Well... I better close this for now, and try to finally get some sleep. It's a little after 7 am now... The sun is already rising. That's not going to make it easy for me to get some sleep. I wish I had picked up a " eye mask " while I was at the store earlier. I need some way of blocking out the light when I'm trying to sleep during the daytime hours.
My niece didn't show up here at my apartment till about 1:30 am. By the time we left, got to the store, and finally finished grocery shopping, it was around 3 am ! Once we got back to my apartment, and her bf helped her unload all of my groceries, it was approx. 3:30 am ! I was simply too wound up after all of that to go right to sleep. I've been trying to relax and unwind, but it hasn't been working very well. Tonight I think I'm going to use the otc sleep aid I bought at the grocery store to help me get some " normal " sleep.
I hate having to depend on others for a ride to the grocery store, but it can't be helped. I haven't had a car since 2004, and even if I had a car now I wouldn't be able to afford the upkeep. Plus I wouldn't be able to drive it anyway, because of my bad knees. Last year I had to make a tough choice. I decided to relinquish my driver's license when it was time to renew it. To renew it I would have had to take a driving test, and I knew before even trying that it would have been pretty much impossible because of my bad knees. I opted to have an state id. card instead. That wasn't a good day. At 45 years old, I realized that I was really way too young to have to give up my driver's license, but it was unavoidable. It's beside the point anyway, since there's no way I could ever come up with the money, or even the financing to be able to get a car again; much less afford the upkeep of it once I had it.
This leaves me with having to depend on anyone I can find to give me a ride to the grocery store about 2 times a month. For a long while now it's always ended up being my niece that helps me out. I have two older sisters, but one of them lives in a different state, and even the one that lives in my state is still way too far away to help me. I have an older brother too, but there's no way I would ever ask him for help. Besides, I'm positive beyond a doubt that he would never agree to come all the way to my apartment to give me a ride to the grocery store. His home is about a one to two hour drive from my apartment. While that's really not that far a distance, for him he would make it seem like I was asking him to drive a hundred miles to do me a favor. He's far too selfish, and self-centered, to go out of his way to help anyone. That's always been his way.
Sometimes when I look back on my life, I wish I could turn back Time and redo many things. There's many parts of my life that I would do differently if I could. Hindsight doesn't help a thing. I know it doesn't. The past is gone. All we truly have is today, since tomorrow isn't guaranteed.
I used to be much more of an optimist about the future before my Mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I always assumed that my parents would enjoy many wonderful years together after my Dad retired. I imagined them doing a lot of traveling. Even if they didn't do much traveling, still I pictured them doing many " fun things " together to make every day an adventure filled with joy, happiness, and love. Instead of having all of that now, as I imagined, and as they both deserved to have... now they have a constant struggle every day, and night, due to my Mom's Parkinson's disease. My Dad is extremely stressed from taking care of Mom, and Mom's condition has progressed to a terrible point. Her Parkinson's disease has progressed so much at this point that during her last doctor's appt. the doctor decided to decrease her medication by ' half ". He decided this because he said at this point the medication isn't helping curb her symptoms much at all, and the possible side affects from the medications may be actually making her symptoms worse.
Well... I better close this for now, and try to finally get some sleep. It's a little after 7 am now... The sun is already rising. That's not going to make it easy for me to get some sleep. I wish I had picked up a " eye mask " while I was at the store earlier. I need some way of blocking out the light when I'm trying to sleep during the daytime hours.
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