Dying on the Inside.
Fuck my life. There's always more. He now claims to be a compulsive liar...like that's an excuse. I just feel like I'm going to crack under the strain of this. I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old to take care of but I can't sleep properly, I can barely eat, I'm still nursing my 4 month old and am terrified my milk is going to dry up from the stress and not eating properly.
I keep finding out more every few days. Ridiculous. Literally I want to say 7 times now he's told me "the whole truth", he even swore on our babies lives twice. But everytime I find more evidence and he's forced to admit a little bit more. It's never everything. It's impossible to move on and start rebuilding a relationship from scratch and heal when the old lies and problems are constantly popping up.
This is so useless. This man obviously has no respect for me as a woman, as his wife, or as the mother of his children. Why do I bother? I need to save myself. I need to move on with my life and chalk my marriage up to a tragic mistake and miscalculation of the person I thought I was with.
Dying inside.
I keep finding out more every few days. Ridiculous. Literally I want to say 7 times now he's told me "the whole truth", he even swore on our babies lives twice. But everytime I find more evidence and he's forced to admit a little bit more. It's never everything. It's impossible to move on and start rebuilding a relationship from scratch and heal when the old lies and problems are constantly popping up.
This is so useless. This man obviously has no respect for me as a woman, as his wife, or as the mother of his children. Why do I bother? I need to save myself. I need to move on with my life and chalk my marriage up to a tragic mistake and miscalculation of the person I thought I was with.
Dying inside.
Replies
I have walked in your shoes. The truth, real truth, is that you do deserve better. But there are so many factors. When you are not a cheater or liar, you can see your husband as a better person, someone who has potential to be the man you thought he was and should be. Though I have seen this as a huge character flaw of mine, an inability to live in reality, I think may be I\'m wrong. You are still there, I suppose, because you believe in the ability of a person to change. I will tell you thst you are right. You are changed no matter what from here on out. Whether he can come completely clean is up to him. Whether you wait for him to work through this process is up to you. He can change. It\'s a choice. In the same way that you staying is a choice.
BUT, if you stay, you need to know that he will lie to you as long as he can. Like an addiction. And he won\'t get better if he doesn\'t want to. He didn\'t need to tell you he was a compulsive liar- he had already proven that by his repeated deceit.
IF he really wants you, wants to fix the bond he has broken, he will do anything to make it happen. I mean it. He has to take full responsibility for what he did and openly agree to whatever is necessary to mend and rebuild. It is obviously a painful road for you, but it is his job to do whatever it takes to help you trust him again.
We are by no means over or past my huband\'s demolition of our marriage, but we are finally on the path. He, too, proved to be a true pathological liar. But, until HE decided enough was enough, he continued. Because he was so good at it, I could not catch him and he continued to lie. He mostly became afraid that I could never accept him and love him again if I knew everything. It was immensely painful for me to hear and learn everything. But, once he let it all out, he had nothing left to hide and he was able to start accepting the truths about himself.
He tells me it is so freeing to be truthful. It turns out, he never has been truthful with himself about much of anything. But he know whst he almost lost (we filed for divorce, separated for 2 months, and ended up placing the divorce on hold merely 10 days before our court date). I have 2 gps tracking devices on his phone which he must answer or text back from immediately. And he does it with a smile. My heart is his first priority. But it was a 7 month road covered in BS to get there, as he continued to lie to me for those 7 months, despite repeated oportunities to and claims he had come clean. I would be happy to ask him to correspond with you husband if you think thst would help. We had no one to turn to...therapists dudnt help until he wanted it.
I wish you great strength and clarity of mind. Unfortunately, love makes bothe of those skills hard to hone when you have been betrayed.
Heather