Durango

The time has finally come. Tonight my dad and I are going to leave for Durango. I am going to take the express route by taking Interstate 25 until I am forced to take side roads. Dad wants me to take the side roads all the way there. He wants to leave at 7:00pm for a 7 hour drive. I am really excited to see my brother and spend time just Luke, dad and I. I need to take some pictures so I can document the time we spent together, lol. I am also anticipating this to be a nive vacation for both myself and my dad. I never met with my therapist yesterday (she is at a conference) and I had to cancel my appointment with my psychiatrist which was scheduled for this afternoon.  I have not seen Dr Power in about 2 months or so.  I am really feeling the ups and downs now. More frequently than usual. Suicide is a daily thought and a major consideration. Depression comes on hard and lasts longer then the mania. My "manic" periods are short but a refreshing change from depression. Sleeping has become an issue. The Seroquel is not working as it used to. I take 800mg and that is about the max the doctor will give me. This a weird time in my life. at this time for the last two years I get so down that I begin to cut myself. When gutting I could not wear clothes with full sleeves because the fabric would rub against my cuts and they would become painful and irritated. It is somewhat funny because my dad is now noticing all these clothes that I am wearing that I couldn't wear the last couple of years, he thinks they are new but they are just never worn. I don't know what else to say right now. I am going to go for today. I will write tomorrow... hopefully.