Dull

today I can only call my mood 'dull' I'm not feeling much. Purging the house of junk last night helped get the angry, stressed energy out of me. Talked to bf but I have such a hard time to reach out and ask for help... I just can't say 'I need you to come and be with me' - its what I want but I can't ask. He knows how awful I have been feeling and I think he just doesn't want to have to deal with it up close and personal. On the phone is a different thing. Or maybe he's waiting for me to ask; he does that sometimes. Later when I say how he never suggested coming or didn't offer he'll just say - you didn't ask. Feels too much like the mind games of old with my exhsuband so I don't bite.     Anyway I'm just going to do as much work as I have to to get by today, I'm working from home so as long as I send in my status and time reports and throw out an email now and then it looks like I'm working.      I dread the weekend... another weekend alone... I dont' know how to prevent the sadness from creeping in on me.