dunno
Haven't posted for a few days.......... you ever get to that place and you don't know what kind of mood you're in? well that's me today......... not happy, not sad, not angry, not anything today. I do think I could go from zero to Bit*h in about 5 seconds tho............ or laugh if the right situation presented itself. day 43......... Brandon Charles Angell............ you will always and forever be my baby boy. (oh god he hated that saying)
He called me momma bear............ and I'm pretty sure you ladies get it. I would go to the ends of the earth to protect my children....... only this time I cannot. Makes me feel so helpless and empty.
He called me momma bear............ and I'm pretty sure you ladies get it. I would go to the ends of the earth to protect my children....... only this time I cannot. Makes me feel so helpless and empty.
Replies
The \"place\" you describe is your mind\'s way of protecting yourself from the intense emotions you are experiencing (and are perfectly normal). You can be \"numb\"...enjoy it while it lasts. And remember it, too. This is the very first step in learning how to accommodate this tremendous and devastating loss.
This is a long road, and it is not easy. But you can learn so much if you have a qualified grief counselor. Someday, you will even begin to learn how to let go. Three and a half years for me on 9/2, I am just now beginning to realize my daughter has completed her journey, she is with God in paradise, and I must now begin, slowly, to let go. Can\'t do it now. But someday, I will. I won\'t let go of the one third of my life I spent as her mother; I won\'t let go of the joyful memories; I won\'t let go of how much she loved me; I won\'t ever stop loving her. But I will let go of the self torment, I have to, it can\'t be my life, it just can\'t. And she doesn\'t want it to be my life.
You\'ll get there. Patience and faith and prayer.
Hugs to you and lots of love
It\'s that cocoon like state which is needed just as Jill said or one would implode.
It\'s okay to not know how you feeling and it changes in a nano second, I know.
Just be as gentle and kind with yourself and everything that is coming into your heart as you can be and you don\'t have to explain yourself to anyone. YOU are a grieving mother and one of my first grief books compared it to being on life support in the ICU. That is how grave this heart and soul wound is...
Gentle, gentle care and the most heartfelt of understanding (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
Oh honey...there will be days, there will be pain...I was told by our sisters here to take advantage of the relatively \"peaceful\" days, to recoup my strength, because the tide will turn and You will need it. But you have us, and you will always benefit with coming here, spilling your heart, reading other mothers journals, offering advice when you feel strong enough...reading the loving words that inevitably come when you need them.
Yes.....we do get it. You will always be his momma bear & Brandon will always be your baby boy.
I,am so sorry for the loss of your son. right now you are in the beginning stages of this long jouney of grief. I still think of the daughter,I lost in 2003 . to day i feel like you i think going through grief is so horrible. i have physical and depresion and anxiety . most of it started when my daughter died. well i have to close now hope to hear from you soon. Bless your angel hugs mary ann
Yep yep we get it - moms are supposed to protect, moms are supposed to not bury their children, moms are supposed to know how to be strong for their children....yep yep, we get it....all the above of \"supposed to\" out the window...Now we are moms who know we did the best we could do, said things when sometimes we shouldn\'t have, BUT always loved our kids more than life itself. Praying for a moment of peace to you tonite....Vicki
It is so very hard to accept that one thing that we had no power over to protect our children or make it \"better\".
Peace.
you all have been such a blessing..........when no one else \'gets it\' I can come here and feel the embrace.............and not have to say a word.
Thank you!
Lisa mom to Brandon