Drowning in my own depression...

I flirt a lot.. with everyone... My jokes are sexual. But in reality,  I find it extremely difficult to be serious and sexual with people.. And I just want to find that one person who will actually care.. I've been in a few relationships lately, within short distances of each other.  I've done things I should not have, said things I should not have.. And I've gained this reputation of being a "slut" "easy" "bitch" ect...  v.v I ruined things with the guy I really really care about.. Knowing he can barely stand speaking to me absolutely kills me.. I found out I was being used by a guy who I had feelings for. I've been called a slut more times than I can count.. I feel like I am completely falling apart... I just want to disappear.. Never be seen or heard from again.. Honestly,  still seriously considering suicide.. There is sooo much I want to say to people right now.. But I can't... I feel like I'm suffocating,  drowning in my own depression...