Doubts

At times, I feel so out of control.  Just of everything.  Some part of me realizes that control is just an illusion and that it mainly just makes us feel better.  The other part, really wishes for more of it! 
The last 10 days or so are just a blur.  Trying to keep up with my school work, trying to make sure the kids are okay with their school work, trying to make sure the house doesn't fall apart in between.  And where am I fitting work into this?  My bills do wonder about that one!
I do know that I have a friend or two that I could rent a room, part of my home to help us both out...but I just can't.  For the first time, I'm trying to make it my home.  But doing this all alone, it's really out of control.  My son is due to get off the bus when I suddenly realize, his trombone is in his room and did he take his PE clothes?  While fixing my own lunch, I see that my daughter didn't pack hers...later, she misses the bus, another trip to town.  On and on and on...
I think, everyone is home and safe and good, just enough time to take a minute before I figure out our dinner, and oh...there is a new group renting the studio at 7.  I have to go over a few minutes before and make sure all is good and that they know how to run the sound equipment, etc. 
I make schedules, have a planner, delegate to the kids...and still, craziness!
I like to think it is a beautiful disaster, but maybe it's just pure chaos and who knows what is being lost in the shuffle?
I like to think we are moving forward, that it's progress, but....well, I just have doubts.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

When we have doubts about control in our lives,we may just have to much perfection to overcome. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.