Double Dosed?

I think I may have double-dosed my medication last night.

But I really don't know if I did or not.

Last night while lying in bed I thought about it, and actually started getting anxious about it. So I layed there and thought it through logically. When we came upstairs to head to bed, it was around 9:30PM. I told myself that's way too early to take my medication, so I likely didn't. What I did do is pick up the container my meds are in, and looked at them to see how many I had left. I counted that I probably had enough to get me to Monday, and put the container back down.

Now, I've had issues with double/missed doses before, so I implemented a system whereby whenever I take my meds (I'm also on something for my blood pressure) I place the container upside-down on the countertop. That way I know whether I've taken it or not.

So when I put my meds back down after counting them, I put it back the "normal" way (not upside-down) to indicate that I didn't take them.

The problem is that I can't say with absolute certainty that I didn't take them then. It's possible this was actually a bit later and I decided to take them because it was closer to 10:00PM (when I should be taking them), then counted the remaining pills afterward and put them back down, forgetting that I even took them.

Then, later, when I came back downstairs to shut everything down and do my meditation, that's when I took my medication for sure, and yes, the bottle with sitting there "properly"; I made certain of that.

But that's when the uncertainty hit of whether I actually did take them before or not. I went upstairs to bed and continued to think about it, and felt my anxiety symptoms starting to flare at the thought of it.

I layed there and logically thought through what I mentioned above; about how when we first went up and I counted the pills, it was too early and I wouldn't have taken them. I was satisfied enough to be able to feel my symptoms subside and drift off to sleep.

But this morning when I woke up my head felt... funny. Floaty, but also... "full". Lots of derealization; everything feels like a dream.

I thought it was just because we woke earlier than we usually do, and that I was just tired, but the sensation hasn't stopped.

I'm also pretty tired, again, kinda under the assumption that's because we woke up earlier and I didn't go to bed earlier.

Realistically, that might actually be true. I didn't sleep well last night. I kinda tossed and turned for a while falling asleep, and then woke up around 2:00AM to pee (and actually didn't really feel like going back to sleep; not insomnia, just more of a feeling like "okay, I'm up, let's get into today"), then was woken by the cat sometime between then and 7:00AM.

Turns out my wife didn't sleep very well either. Her mind's been a little preoccupied lately, and I wonder whether that's part of the problem for me too.

My wife's family has a history with Crohns Disease, and in the last few days she's been exhibiting some concerning digestive symptoms. She told me this last night at dinner, and it's kinda been in my head ever since, especially when I see her having pain and in obvious discomfort.

Last night while lying in bed my mind went through the usual anxiety-producing "what if" thoughts. My mind immediately went to "what if she has cancer? what if she doesn't make it? what if you're left all alone? you'll die prematurely, poor, and alone!"

This morning, despite my wife saying she has NOT had any of the same symptoms today, my mind may have decided to stay in "threat" mode, and is perhaps the reason why I'm continuing to feel so out-of-sorts today.

I don't know.

So I guess there's a few things that could be going on with me today. Could be that I actually did double-dose, and this is the result. OR I didn't double-dose but the fear that I did has triggered this anxiety attack. OR I'm really scared about my wife's health. OR I'm just that tired and out of it from poor sleep last night (which could be the result of fear of double-dosing or my wife's health). OR maybe I just smoked too much last night.

I'm just getting really sick of playing this anxiety game. This "what triggered me this time" game. I'm sick and tired of feeling these debilitating symptoms. I'm just done.