dont know

when I think about it, since yesterday I guess I am feeling a bit better...I dont want to admit it though...I guess Ive been so depressed for so long I dont want to feel better....will take some getting used to thats for sure...thats if I can get used to it...if not then thats when I start to self injure to feel pain again......pain is what Im comfortable with...make any sense??...no not really....now im scared that, thats what going to happen again......I just cant cope with feeling good for to long...my pdoc knows that but cant work out why or what to do about it...........maybe I need some counselling to try to work things through.............why is this all so hard?