dont know
when I think about it, since yesterday I guess I am feeling a bit better...I dont want to admit it though...I guess Ive been so depressed for so long I dont want to feel better....will take some getting used to thats for sure...thats if I can get used to it...if not then thats when I start to self injure to feel pain again......pain is what Im comfortable with...make any sense??...no not really....now im scared that, thats what going to happen again......I just cant cope with feeling good for to long...my pdoc knows that but cant work out why or what to do about it...........maybe I need some counselling to try to work things through.............why is this all so hard?
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if i were dead I wouldnt have to worry about any of this
dont die! I know EXACTLY what you mean! Listen, when you get so far depressed, you start to lose feeling. First to go is anger. Then all you have is sadness. After losing the sadness, all you are is numb. THAT is when people hurt themselves and commit suicide. BUT when you start to feel better, you\'ll go through the stage of sadness. You wont help but be able to feel sad. Then you get your anger back. Finally once you hit the anger milestone, you can start to be happy.
I learned all this on my first stint in a psych hospital. You need to get help. It\'s the best thing I ever did. (even this second time around. I met the most AMAZING people that I\'d gladly take a bullet for.) Dont be scared. You have nothing to lose.
It\'s just my two cents so feel free to tell me to cram it but, feeling better is the start of better things to come. I used to cut a lot & back then & I was happy to do it, I looked forward to it because I\'d rather feel the pain of that blade & the dull pounding drunk of JD than feel the pain in my heart. Looking back, it wasn\'t till a couple years later that I realized how incredibly selfish I was being not only to myself but, to everyone around me that cared whether I lived or died even if I didn\'t. Take your time, forgive yourself, be patient with your demons, eventually they will allow you the peace you seek.