Don't let my smile and laugh deceive you
Tonight I met 2 of my best girlfriends for dinner. We have all been through divorces, remarriages for 2 of us, and now I have experienced the death of my husband. There is nothing I can't tell these 2 women, although I don't share alot of private things. I just am not that type. But I could if I ever wanted to.
As we were discussing how hectic our days have become, now that we are the sole supporters of our households again, one of them turned to me and asked:
"I know you and Jeff had problems that you got worked out over the past year." I said, yes. " I just wondered if you miss him?"
I was taken off guard. Of course I miss him. Why would people think I don't miss him? Just because its been 3 whole months since he died and you've seen a smile on my face and might have heard me laugh? Are you kidding me? It isn't often that my heart has felt light enough to even break a smile or laugh. And when I do, people think I must have moved on and am not missing him anymore? I must be over it?
Don't let my smile deceive you. I still hurt inside every minute of every day and nite. I still would trade anything to have Jeff back by my side, sharing the life we had planned together. But please, don't make me feel guilty when I finally forget just for a second and my heart remembers something that brings a smile to my face.
I guess unless they've been there, even our very best friends just can't know. But I still love them and I am thankful for their love and support.
As we were discussing how hectic our days have become, now that we are the sole supporters of our households again, one of them turned to me and asked:
"I know you and Jeff had problems that you got worked out over the past year." I said, yes. " I just wondered if you miss him?"
I was taken off guard. Of course I miss him. Why would people think I don't miss him? Just because its been 3 whole months since he died and you've seen a smile on my face and might have heard me laugh? Are you kidding me? It isn't often that my heart has felt light enough to even break a smile or laugh. And when I do, people think I must have moved on and am not missing him anymore? I must be over it?
Don't let my smile deceive you. I still hurt inside every minute of every day and nite. I still would trade anything to have Jeff back by my side, sharing the life we had planned together. But please, don't make me feel guilty when I finally forget just for a second and my heart remembers something that brings a smile to my face.
I guess unless they've been there, even our very best friends just can't know. But I still love them and I am thankful for their love and support.
Replies
So was she implying that because you had problems that you may not miss him? Heck we had tons but it didn\'t diminish the pain. Keep on smiling and laughing every chance you get! xoxo
We put on our social faces when we are around other people. We don\'t want to bring everybody down with our grief. All marriages have ups and downs. I know my husband and I did. I even feel guilty about the way I felt about him at times during those \"down\" times but I miss him very much and will always wish that I never felt negative feelings toward him. Hugs!
Unless they\'ve traveled this road, they can\'t know. I\'ve noticed my friends are reticent when talking to me. They never bring Marti or our relationship up. But I wouldn\'t want any of them to walk this road. I still cherish my friends. Hang in there. Hugs, Kip.
Why wouldn\'t you miss him? That is a crazy question but unless they have walked in our shoes they just don\'t get it. We need smiles and laughter in our lives...and we have every right to be able to do this..especial now when we are in such pain...it lightens our heart if even for a moment..Hugs, Ellen