Don't let my smile and laugh deceive you
Tonight I met 2 of my best girlfriends for dinner. We have all been through divorces, remarriages for 2 of us, and now I have experienced the death of my husband. There is nothing I can't tell these 2 women, although I don't share alot of private things. I just am not that type. But I could if I ever wanted to.
As we were discussing how hectic our days have become, now that we are the sole supporters of our households again, one of them turned to me and asked:
"I know you and Jeff had problems that you got worked out over the past year." I said, yes. " I just wondered if you miss him?"
I was taken off guard. Of course I miss him. Why would people think I don't miss him? Just because its been 3 whole months since he died and you've seen a smile on my face and might have heard me laugh? Are you kidding me? It isn't often that my heart has felt light enough to even break a smile or laugh. And when I do, people think I must have moved on and am not missing him anymore? I must be over it?
Don't let my smile deceive you. I still hurt inside every minute of every day and nite. I still would trade anything to have Jeff back by my side, sharing the life we had planned together. But please, don't make me feel guilty when I finally forget just for a second and my heart remembers something that brings a smile to my face.
I guess unless they've been there, even our very best friends just can't know. But I still love them and I am thankful for their love and support.
As we were discussing how hectic our days have become, now that we are the sole supporters of our households again, one of them turned to me and asked:
"I know you and Jeff had problems that you got worked out over the past year." I said, yes. " I just wondered if you miss him?"
I was taken off guard. Of course I miss him. Why would people think I don't miss him? Just because its been 3 whole months since he died and you've seen a smile on my face and might have heard me laugh? Are you kidding me? It isn't often that my heart has felt light enough to even break a smile or laugh. And when I do, people think I must have moved on and am not missing him anymore? I must be over it?
Don't let my smile deceive you. I still hurt inside every minute of every day and nite. I still would trade anything to have Jeff back by my side, sharing the life we had planned together. But please, don't make me feel guilty when I finally forget just for a second and my heart remembers something that brings a smile to my face.
I guess unless they've been there, even our very best friends just can't know. But I still love them and I am thankful for their love and support.
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