don't know why
I delivered for my family's business started at 510am
this morning. Traveled all over LA - then came home - at 635a-
dropped off the signed paper work at my Dad's and then came
home.
Feeling kind of adrift..my paranoia pecked away at me while
I was driving the car - and it settled into a sense of loneliness
and isolation and powerlessness once I was home - but I have to grab hold
of my life and make it what I would like it to be -
I feel as a part of my family - but I'd like to have a life of my own.
And though LIFE may not regard me with the respect or regard that
I feel or I guess I kind of need to have for the happy resolve in order to have my own life - then I still
must give that to myself and not just see those glancing blows from othere in my life
as STOP SIGNS. Keep at it - keep on keeping on! Time to take
a shower and play with Blue :-)
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though when alone it can feel as though I am wispy thin - I still must believe in my life and build myself up..
though I'd like to live in consideration of each other I can let my perceived dearth of that to be
a stop sign to my pursuits! Keep believing! Keep on keeping on!!
I know how hard it can be to feel alone, esp when thoughts seep in. I am gearing up for a day, yes another solo day, going to take in the world and art and people around me. A huge part of me wants to stay in and veg out with mindless tv, but I’m making myself go out otherwise I know by the afternoon I will be in a dark place. Keep on keeping on is right. I’m tired, but have to keep Moving….
thanks Nikki! Right on! :-)
it's funny, I went out to get another coffee. Full of confidence and momentum.
The Starbucks employee I had to deal with gave a snarky comment.
When I am in my own lane - and I enter the intersection - I can forget that other
drivers are not so considerate. lol metaphorical lol - but I'll keep on keeping on
I'll enjoy this day- the last day of my days off - and I go back to work tomorrow. :-)
i know i've said this before, but inside my personal herstory, those points on which i agonize don't seem much affected by whether i am alone or drowning in company. my need to question and agonize is a highly adaptable dysfunction. it can adapt to any conditions.
that tendency to see "glancing blows" as stop signs is pretty high on my own list of agonies.
thanks arfie. (sending big hugs!)