Don't know what to do
Our ES has allowed us to have 2 of the children for their birthdays since the estrangement. He has blocked all communication. I just went on FB a few minutes ago and found a message from him. He and the kids have had their black lab for about 8-9 years. She is part of the family and very beloved. ES has to take her for surgery tomorrow and the vet doesn't know if she will make it through the surgery or the anesthesia. You have to be a real pet lover to know how close they are to her. Should I go over there? I sent him a couple messages saying how sorry we are, how we love Kimmie and know how much they all love her. If she passes tomorrow, what should I do? Of course my first inclination at this sad time and the fact that he is finally communicating with me, I would normally have been over there right away. But, I don't want to be so forceful. Maybe he just needed to tell us about her since this is so serious and we know what she means to them. I want to make the best decisions here because it can mean things can get better in our relationship or worse. What should I do? Of course being a mother, I want to fix everything but know I can't. Thank you for any help or advice.
Replies
I think it is a good sign that your son wanted to share his sad news with you. He obviously knows that you care and that you are compassionate. I am like you...my natureal reaction would be to rush over there. But, because of the estrangement, I would tread carefully and ask him what he would like you to do. You could even suggest some things that you are willing to do.
i.e. take care of the kids, when he goes to the Vet, offer to bring them dinner, sit with them. When our daughter and son-in-law lost their dog, they wanted to be alone for awhile. They were really grieving and needed time to process the death of their beloved dog. They were not estranged from us, but still wanted their privacy.
I think Mommadarling nailed it. Very good advice. I\'ve had to put down sev eral pets and it\'s totally devastating. When emotions are that high, it\'s easy to make wrong decisions. She was right to advise you to offer help and ask them how you can be a comfort.
I agree with all the above advice. Even if an offer of such help is not answered or if it is rejected, it will be the offer that is remembered.
ES has to work tomorrow so his GF is taking Kimmie to the vet. I\'m wondering if he really wanted me as support or maybe he needs money for the surgery. I\'ve asked if there is anything we can do. We have messaged back and forth a few times. Guess that is all we can do. Thank you all so much for your input. I\'m glad that I didn\'t go running over there. It probably would just have made a mess of things. So thank you, thank you. God bless.
Pheeew! That was a close one! Good thing you didn\'t go over there. I am so glad that we have each other to bounce things off of. My son is the same. He will tell me what I want to hear and share emotional information with me, but most of the time it is just to manipulate me to give him money. So glad you sat tight. Let us know how your doggie is doing. xx
Thank you all so very much for your kindness, support and care. I was so worried and praying for the children and ES who would suffer terribly from the loss of this precious dog if it would happen. She was to have the surgery yesterday. Of course I was concerned as to how things went so I sent message one, no reply, message two, no reply, message three, no reply. Finally I sent one a little more stern asking how Kimmie was and why couldn\'t ES who I spent all day Sunday comforting couldn\'t at least let me know how she is . All he wrote back was \"she is fine\'? So what does that mean? What is all some kind of torture to me? More lies? He didn\'t mention anything about the vet or anything? Was he hoping we would help pay for the surgery as a way to get more money from us? I am so disappointed and upset with him right now. It just shows how little he cares and that everything is about him. He is a very typical EC but each one has their own way of hurting us and showing us we don\'t matter. I really can\'t and don\'t understand any of this. All I could think was that it was true at that time. Without some explanation, this is going to take a long time to get over if ever. I thank each and every one of you for your concern and comfort. It meant a great deal to me since I was suffering at that point with