Don't know What to think ????

Today from the first moment he woke up, it seems to me like he's been doing everything possible to ignore me. It's like he purposefully looked for excuses to not be around me today. Why ? I don't understand it. I have my suspicions, but I'm hoping and praying that they're only just that... just suspicions. 

In the past when the end of the month / beginning of the month came around I would eventually discover that he had been planning on leaving me... AGAIN !!!! 

I know ALL of the " signs " of this, and he's been displaying many of them. Again... I hope and PRAY that I'm wrong ! I hope and PRAY that he's ONLY been acting so ODD because he's been nervous about his money situation - ( as far as the " withdrawal " because of the payday loan in Missouri - due to Cindy and Cindy's sister ). He's been hoping that getting a NEW debit card will throw off the payday loan company - ( stopping them from withdrawing ANY more money from his bank account ) ! I HOPE and PRAY that it turns out that it works out that way .... thus stopping the payday loan company ! 

IF it doesn't, that would mean that he would have 2 more months of withdrawals because of the payday loan in Missouri !  - ( November and December ). That wouldn't be too terrible, but of course to NOT have that happen would be a heck of a lot better !

It's almost 7 PM, and he just called me a few minutes ago to ask me if I'd ate anything for dinner yet because he's getting hungry. I'm guessing that meant that IF I had said NO then he probably would have TOLD ME to put something in the oven for Him and I for dinner ! But since I told him I had already made a couple of sandwiches for my dinner, he said he'd probably warm up some left overs for himself. That works out for the best, since as painful as my feet, my knees, and both of my legs are right now, there's no way I would have had the energy to get up to fix ANYTHING for him to eat for dinner ! LOL ! 

Whether, or not he realized this, who knows ? He probably did realize it, but chances are very good that he wouldn't have cared. 

Before he walks through the apartment door I'm taking advantage of this time alone, and I'm blasting MY MUSIC on pandora.com on my laptop ! I MISS doing that EVERY DAY ! That used to be a daily routine that I looked forward to very much ! With him here it's pretty much impossible for me to listen to my music unless he goes OUT somewhere ! It's the SAME with any of my favorite TV shows ! He always calls MY favorite TV shows " GARBAGE ", when I'm always thinking deep in my thoughts that a LOT of what he enjoys on TV I think is " GARBAGE " ! Would I actually tell him this ? OH HELL NO !!!!.... Telling him my feelings about it would only serve to spark a raging arguement that would end up in destruction, and physical violence ! I don't need ANY of that !