Don't Know What's Wrong...

...Well...here I go again. Sounding like a broken record once again. It's been exactly one year since I was walked out on, cheated on, and left by my ex & still to this day I can't go a single day without thinking about her & I am seriously so fed up with feeling like this. I have tried to everything possible to get away from it all & live as best I can without thinking of her & nothing works ever. I have tried to take everyone's advice & nothing seems to change my thought process. I've tried to go on dates & see other girls, I've tried to go to parties & hang out with my friends. On Christmas I was spending time with all my family & still after each, and everyday I think about her  & how she hurt me & how my heart hurts every single night when I go to bed because she ain't here with me... No matter who I talk to about it, no matter how I try to just say "I hate her" "She hates you get over it" "She is never coming back Tyler you're wasting all of your time" Nothing seems to get through to me. I seriously hate where my life is going right now. I don't think I have ever once in my life had any "real" friends I don't have anything & I am nothing...I mean nothing to everybody. Like seriously why would I mean anything to someone when I mean nothing to myself I hate my life I really wished for the Mayans to be right & the world would end, and I would just die because I'm sick of feeling this way. At least if the world ends I don't have to feel guilty of quitting like I feel like doing each & everyday that passes by. I feel like I am reaching the end & that's basically the only reason why I am writting this.. I know I've heard all of the "Things could be so much worse" SPARE ME the effort I don't really care & I realize things could be worse, but really it is what it is & I cannoteven remember the last time I've smiled, and laughed around people I am just not happy I haven't been remotely happy since she left me I've been in my worse state of being ever this past year & I am also hearing about this "fresh new start" from the New Year when still I haven't stopped thinking about it. The ONLY N-Y resolution I have is to get over this stupid girl who fucking runs my life & keeps me locked away in a place I can never escape from the shadows. A lot of times I just see people starring at me because I'll just walk out of resturants & sit by myself outside in the cold or just suddenly lose my appitite when I see a girl who reminds me of her like I did today at the movies. I just want to leave & not let people see me cry... I am so fragile about it & I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I have done everything possible & still she runs my life in my head. I've tried to look at the "bright-side" when all I see is darkness... I want to make nothing of myself because I just don't care anymore. A once normal kid who enjoyed hanging out with everyone & being social, participating in sports & helping others has turned into a depressed lunitic who occupy's his time thinking about a girl who has literally screwed me over in every which way possible. I am very close to just running away & never seeing anyone I love again. They do not deserve to see me like this I am so much better than that, and STILL I cannot seem to get it through to my heart. :( I'm breaking down here & nobody has been able to help me. Why should they? I don't even wanna help myself...