Don't know how much more of this I can take....

Regardless of the fact that I need his " help ", I still don't know how much more of this I can take.

Every day... every night... every moment around him... it's always the same thing.

I never truly know whether, or not he'll be in a " good " mood. 

Even when he starts off in a " good " mood, that's never a guarantee that it'll stay that way. 

Chances are typically very good that in a few hours, or even as little as 30 minutes or so, he will suddenly switch over to being a foul-mouthed, cold, cruel, un-feeling, raging asshole ! 

He'll either suddenly flip into a full-blown raging fit where he's destroying things around him - throwing whatever he can get his hands on; and / or he's doing that, and charging at me to physically hurt me ... or at the very least " threaten " to physically hurt me ! All of this will continue until he finally has a small glimmer of common sense, and leaves for a " walk " to cool down ! THANK GOD ! 

Then later on, once he's back from his " cool down walk ", you would think that he'd be calm and reasonable again.... but OH NO ! 

That's NOT always the case ! 

At least 7 times out of 10, even AFTER his " cool down walk " he's still in a foul mood from hell, and NOTHING I try to say to him helps at all ! In fact, when he's in that sort of mood NOTHING I say is " right " in his twisted - sick - view of reality ! 

Sometimes when he's in one of his " RAGES ", it's as if he doesn't even SEE ME at all ! In fact I think it's fair to say that during those times he truly is NOT seeing ME... but seeing someone ELSE from his PAST that hurt him deeply ! So in his twisted / sick mind, at that moment he's shouting, and screaming at ME... thinking I am THEM ! .... That includes EVERY WRONG that PAST PERSON ever did to him, I'm sure ! 

FAIR ?! ... OH HELL NO !!!!!.... and I AM SICK OF IT ! 

He needs to be on medication, and a regular " routine " of talk therapy ! .... DEFINITELY ! 

But even IF his health insurance was straightened out like it should be, that still would not matter. He still would REFUSE to get help for his mental state ! 

To him.... He doesn't have a " problem " ! HAHAHAHA !!!!!

OR... at the very least... He claims that the " solution " to his " problem " would be a LOT WORSE than the problem itself ! 

BULLSHIT !!