DON\'T KNOW...

Thursday Night-late: I don't even know how I feel these days. I had a really hard night last night.  I feel like I let my son die because I didn't go in and check on him soon enough.  I just know I knew....  I was up until 3 a.m. and when I did go to bed I just cried!  We have yet another funeral to go to this weekend.  Craig's best friend's dad died.  I know it is their worst pain but for me....  I don't mean to sound cold but until 2 wks. ago he lived a full life...wife, kids, grandkids, great-grandkids.  It is all I hope for my children. But, we will be there and offer whatever support we can.  It is all about perspective, I guess.  And thank God they don't know my kind of pain!  Chris gave me a Day Spa gift certificate for Christmas.  Today I went for an eyebrow wax (ouch), a foot massage, and a scalp massage.  The foot massage was awesome!  One of Scott's friends wants us to go on his Dad's houseboat this weekend for a cookout.  We just are not up to it this week.  We will do it another day.  How sweet, though.  Father's Day will be so hard.  That is the day Scott died last summer although the actual angel date is June 17.  I am having a garage sale the 20th and 21st.  It will keep me busy all week.  We buried Scott on the 21st.  I think a good friend of mine may be coming to visit, too.  I am looking forward to seeing her.  She lives in KS now and I have not seen her since Scott's funeral.  I have talked to her but that is just not the same.  I hope she can stand the DUST!  Since I have been off school I am not doing very much.  Sleeping mostly.  Guess I need it.  I have been trying to gather things for my sale.  I can use the extra money.  Oh, I just feel so empty, sad, and helpless without Scott & Melissa.