doing well because I am ok with not being well.
I am doing well because I am handling that I am not feeling well or comfortable.
The thing is, when alone my mind can so get 'backed into a corner' with specifics and then I don't
see what to do with myself beyond the boundaries of the current moment or situation and compounding anxiety.
What helps me is the thought that I have to be self responsible - and that includes doing that
for when I feel backed into a corner and dealing with the mindset of rigidity. It makes me remember
I have agency and need to look above and beyond myself.
To say more I am reminded by self responsibility that again life is athletic and I can't exist
in nice feelings all the time - in fact I may feel in flux much of the time, aggressive
and just activated.
I wanted to write this here at first and then I felt like even that was beyond my capacity to
express beyond the status quo..
I remembered an interview with Judy Garland as she talked about when she was a young
performer that she really wanted to give a kind of blood in her performances - and then
when she got older - she just wanted the audience to have fun and a good time.
So I am moving on with that - just feel more ready to accept the generality and not
ultra specific sense of exegesis of things - just dealing with the athletic nature of it - and my agency -
I wish I had a mind that worked - I need to find the outlet in life that I am made best for.
Again, I am really looking forward to the monastery.
Have a good night,
peace,
Mark
Mark
Replies
It’s another day and yes the mind is undermining me, but I reread this journal and getting on with the morning.
Glad you're doing well and have something to really look forward to, Mark! Have a Wonderful Wednesday!
thanks Susan! Have a wonderful day as well! Thanks for always having a kind thing to say!
it seems that the longer i let it be okay that i am a few fries short of a happy meal, the more i question my old definitions of, "perfect." big surprise, huh? us questioner types can question anything. . .
Hugs, Mark. As the song goes, "it's OK not be OK." There will always be twists and turns in our lives that cause anxiety, confusion, frustration (etc.). You're not alone. Hope you feel better soon!