doing well and then ...remembering I am broken

I was doing well today. I had my work to focus on and though my back was a little sore,

I pushed forward and did the job. Mentally I talked to myself a very little but I felt

sufficiently gratified by the work I did and then came home ready to do all the chores

and errands that I knew and planned I would do today. I was, after doing ALL OF IT, very splintered...fractured...

like a raw nerve and somewhat tenuous. The good morale at the outset of the day

had me feeling a sense of possibility - at least with a kind of unquestioning confidence

about the day and myself...and then after work and as the chores were being done, I could see myself, for example,

wanting help from a young person to carry some of my heavy groceries (only briefly - I could just see

that potentially coming down the road for me one day..) My back was still a little sore but I felt capable

and yet then after all was done, my mental frameset when to a neurotic red lightening bolt in my brain

and though I reached out to my therapist through an email and also a friend the WhatsApp, I knew I had

to calm myself. I rested on the couch some (good advice!), and then just decided to have humility for the charge of taking

care of my mental health. It helped a little and I calmed down and it was the humility that got to me or just resounded

within me. I was feeling capable at the begining of the day and as the day is ending I do not. Maybe I shouldn't see the imperfection side

of this...though it's a sobering thought...perhaps I should look at what I can do even so - just as we all are imperfect

and have the chance to look at what we can do...even so..