DOING TIME

4-14-09:  I wrote a journal entry the other day that I somehow deleted.  Good thing.  It was very dark.  I had just had "one of those days."   I am doing a bit better today, I think, I guess.   A family friend/neighbor passed away.  He was eighty and had lived a long, good life.  My heart still goes out to the family.  It is their worst pain. And, one of Scott's friends had a friend, age twenty-three, who shot himself last week.  Another waste of a young life.  Ashley is really struggling with losing yet another friend.  She did bring her son, about sixteen mos. old, to see me tonight.  Whew!  He is into EVERYTHING now!  My house is SO NOT baby/child proof!  But, he is so cute and such great entertainment!  Adam had court today.  It went well.  I sure hope he is finished with stupid choices! But now,there is a girl who is accusing Adam of being the father of her baby.  There is about a one in a gazillion chance that is true.  There are medical reasons.  However, if it is, he would, of course, take responsibility.  My son, Chris, suggested the next time she calls with threats, etc., Adam just tell her, "Set up the DNA test and if I am the father, I will see you in court for custody."  I think that is a really good idea.  I suspect she will "give it up".  And, if she does follow through, we will know for sure.  At this point, it is just stress none of us need.  Chris has been very busy with the Springfield Cardinals.  He didn't even get to have Easter dinner with us.  I did, after work on Monday, take him a plate to microwave.  He was very happy about that!  Work has been nuts.  They kids are all very "bouncy!"  We only have thirty-four actual days, in school, left. Melissa would be turning twenty-one on April 19th.  Her angel date is next month.  We are all having a hard time with that. On the up side, I get to visit with a DS, out-of-town friend, on April 18th.  She will be in the area.  This is our second visit.  And, another of our DS friends is supposed to join us.  I have also invited Melissa's mom.  It is peaceful to visit with people without worrying if "my mask" is in place! I do feel like I am just doing time, however.  I find very little, if any, joy, in my days.  I was thinking the other day how every minute, of every day, someone is experiencing pain and tragedy.  And yet, most of us keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking one breath at a time.  Why?  For me, I guess I just don't what else there is to do.  But, I really don't care about much of anything except my family.  This isn't really much of a way to live, is it?   Oh, I am rambling.....time to go to bed and prepare to face yet another day.