doing some thinking

I am sitting here doing some thinking about things. i found out that my tax return is coming in and i am happy about it bc i have to get the things for my kids' birthday parties that are coming up soon. I have a camera on layway at a pawn shop that i have been really wanting and my boyfriend is just all about his tattoo shop and getti.ng it up and going. I understand that and all but its like he wants me to use all my money for what he wants and i dont get anything out of it. that really makes me feel like crap and i hate that so much. its like i dont matter, just the tattoo shop matters. i want him to be happy but do i not get to be happy either? i thought that i should be able to be happy too. but right now i dont think that i am going to get that right now and that makes me mad more than you can think right now. i just want to go up to him and hit him in the side of the head and scream, 'WHAT ABOUT ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?' but i dont think that it will happen anytime soon. looks like that is the story of my life right now, make everyone else happy but not myself.