doing alright :)
I went to a party on Easter, and my Dad and Stepmom called me afterwards. They just wanted to see if I enjoyed myself
and to see if I was doing ok. I felt so blessed and lucky after they called me.
I was at work today and was thinking about my whole family. My Dad and Stepmom are dealing with some very intense stuff right now.
And as I worked I thought things. I know I wax on a lot here about internalized ideas. Today I did some of that at work.
I just noticed how I seemed to have some agression while working. I felt at peace when I was first at work, and then as the day went on - I noticed how my mind was playful with ideas (not always a pleasant thing) and I noticed how it was like an agression in me that kept surfacing. I didn't react to it - I didn't act out - I just was kind of aware of it - and that noticing kind of disengaged its power for me rather than to put it on others or even myself. So I was glad of that.
I came home and still felt agressive but I kept interacting with my housemates and manager. They are really kind people. I keep everything bottled up they have noticed. I think this kind of agression that I was talking about changes when I get home.
There's no context like work to keep it 'in check' and it usually manifests at home kind of in a way that I am now learning to disengage. The anger gets to be about my personal standard rather than just living in respect to the other folks here. I mean just in noticing the anger it has me 'ok with' living and being friendly with the other people here. I don't have to be drawn into some crazy mentalizations.
Replies
So nice of your parents to call you and check on you!
I used to have aggressive thoughts and behaviors before I was medicated properly. Maybe you should look into that too.
thanks Becky!!
So glad you had a nice Easter and that your family showed such caring toward you. That's wonderful.
As for aggression, anger can build up, even if you don't feel you have anything to be angry about. I know when I did my art therapy a lot more anger came out in my work than I first realized I had. Wishing you well, as always!
thanks Sensitive!
I'm happy for you, mark. Sounds like you had a good Easter. I agree that your family's call was very nice. It's good to be thought of and wished well.
I found myself angry a lot recently. It's harder to let go at times ~ funny how that goes.
It's so wonderful to know you're still trying to focus. That, in and of itself, is difficult to do. So, Yey for YOU!
I went for a walk and took some photographs. I now know it's important not to be a procrastinator.
Sometimes I don't feel like doing stuff but it's important to push forward and do it. Don't avoid life.
I accidentally read my diagnosis today. It's pretty bad in some senses but I am not going to complain anymore.