Does moving help?
Since we live in a duplex - the other half was occupied with ES and GC - it is a constant reminder of all that has happened. I have been thinking since all of this began that moving may help me since it would be new surroundings and not the constant reminder. DH says it doesn't matter where we live, I just need to let it go and give it all to God. I would prefer a house just for us. To me it would mean that I realize I am not in control of the situation, that ES is a man and makes his own choices, the care of ES and GC is in his hands and not mine nor up to me to provide for them. It also represents our moving on and making our own decisions for us. It just signifies a new start and one for just us without trying to control anyone or anything else. Does this make any sense or do we just sit here with a half empty house (do not want to rent it out to strangers)?
Replies
Whyonlychild; This is a very complex question. Your choices are numerous; sell and move, rent the empty half, leave it empty. You\'ve stated that you want to sell and move and that you believe that action will make you feel better. Your DH doesn\'t want to sell and move. But you didn\'t say if he wants to leave the half empty.
Now is the time to come to a decision you can both live with and not to introduce friction with your DH. Maybe the first step is to rent the half. Leaving it empty is more of a reminder of the past. Strangers are just friends you haven\'t yet met. You can be very careful in your selection of tenants. In any event the decision is not ours, it is a well prayed for, well discussed decision between you and your DH. Blessings.
I can tell you from my own experience, it helped me immensely to move. We lived 10 miles from ES and DIL but had to drive by the street that turned onto where they live all the time. When we sold our home and moved north to a small town, I felt liberated. I left ES in God\'s hands and my DH and I started anew, made lots of friends, and just felt relieved. Pray about it.
You do have many choices, as Sally ann said, and even if you do any of them you may have the pain. Letting go is hard. Distance does not heal the pain. Distance and new surroundings may make you think all is well for a while, like a bandaid on a large injury... but it is in the heart that healing must occur. This takes time and engaging yourself in other activities. I have been in similar situations and moved away, another time my son moved away, but the pain was always with me. Then finally, I surrendered to the situation and entered in a \'rite of passage\' , a ritual of some sort to make real the fact that I was ok with the way things were. After my oldest left and married without his family approval or presence, and other unpleasant things happened, I sent him a letter ----- which was really mostly for myself-- and quoted Scripture acknowledging that God had said that \" a man shall leave father and mother and cling to his wife-- and said to him and to myself, \"I release you\". I sent him a necklace that I wore from his birth to that day as a symbol of my commitment to that realization. This may be silly, but I had to do that ..like when we marry, or baptize a child-- in front of others to hold us accountable... Of course the pain did not disappear immediately, but my proclamation of my surrendering of my child to God was the beginjing of our healing. God watches over them and He is in control. I just have to match my emotions to God\'s will. I hope this helps a little. I know your pain. I am praying for the pain to go away and be replaced with the assurance that God is in control of your child\'s life. May He give yiu His joy and peace. ..and that when you are down..like we all are at times...we may be blessed to encourage each other in His love. blessings
Thank you all. This needs to be a decision between DH and I. Running from the problem won\'t solve anything. I keep praying and trying to surrender all to God but then I think too much. Keeping busy is definitely a must and perhaps I need to do more volunteering than I am now. Renting the other half is probably the solution as long as we can thoroughly screen the applicants. There are times when my head just swirls. I go to my Bible, I cry, I pray and pray and pour it all out to God yet it\'s just not complete. The idea of sending son a message and something symbolic is a good idea - I have truly accepted that he is the master of his fate and he is totally on his own. Guess there are just more things I need to discuss with DH, pray to God, and let go. Some how it just isn\'t that simple. I am a Christian and I do totally believe in God and that He holds all. Today I was reading a book and it said that if we worry, we are not trusting God. Yes, I must totally surrender all to Him NOW> Thank you for your care, input and support it means so much to me