Does it get easier
This journal includes pregnancy talk, so please, please feel free to skip. I understand with all of my heart.
so, my beta on Friday the 18th at 131! I am officially pregnant. I went this morning for my second beta and am feeling so nervous. It never really get easier.
of course - of COURSE - I am so thrilled and so thankful that at least one of my beautiful embryos took. but my loss has made it hard to enjoy being pregnant again - has anyone else been though this?
We have been very low key about it. only immediate family knows and a VERY few friends. No one really knew we did IVF again, so I wasn't pressured to share our results.
I want to enjooy every day but every day I wake up scared that I will experience bleeding, like i did last time (which turned out to be a miscarriage even though heartbeat was still strong intially). I guess I am just trying to be cautious and too scared to really get attached to this pregnancy yet.
I read a blog yesterday about pregnancy after miscarriage and it seems what I am feeling is normal. the women wrote to celebrate each milestone, one at a time, as they came. So I celebrated the positive beta. PLEASE GOD I will celebrate a good 2nd beta, then a good 3rd one, and then my first ultrasound and then passing the time that my miscarriage happened the first time around.
and then maybe, just maybe, I can let myself fall in love.
so, my beta on Friday the 18th at 131! I am officially pregnant. I went this morning for my second beta and am feeling so nervous. It never really get easier.
of course - of COURSE - I am so thrilled and so thankful that at least one of my beautiful embryos took. but my loss has made it hard to enjoy being pregnant again - has anyone else been though this?
We have been very low key about it. only immediate family knows and a VERY few friends. No one really knew we did IVF again, so I wasn't pressured to share our results.
I want to enjooy every day but every day I wake up scared that I will experience bleeding, like i did last time (which turned out to be a miscarriage even though heartbeat was still strong intially). I guess I am just trying to be cautious and too scared to really get attached to this pregnancy yet.
I read a blog yesterday about pregnancy after miscarriage and it seems what I am feeling is normal. the women wrote to celebrate each milestone, one at a time, as they came. So I celebrated the positive beta. PLEASE GOD I will celebrate a good 2nd beta, then a good 3rd one, and then my first ultrasound and then passing the time that my miscarriage happened the first time around.
and then maybe, just maybe, I can let myself fall in love.
Replies
I want to congratulate you :) and also tell you that I understand the angst. I\'ve had 3 losses and each subsequent pregnancy my anxiety was really high. Swinging from embracing the pregnancy to worrying. It\'s a difficult balancing act. Thinking of you and hoping for the very best :)
First- CONGRATS!!! Second- heck yeah that is normal! I am just starting to enjoy this pregnancy and I am 23 weeks! I am always nervous something will go wrong and hold my breathe at the beginning of every ultrasound afraid a heartbeat won\'t be there any longer. And I still check for blood every time I go to the bathroom. It has felt strange to discuss the pregnancy. DH & I didn\'t really talk about them or anything for a while, even past 12 weeks- just nervous we would jinx ourselves.
Anyway, can\'t wait to hear about your beta today and enjoy! :)
YES! that\'s exactly right. We haven\'t even really spoken about it. it\'s like we are afraid to talk about it like it\'s real. I PRAY for the day that changes, and we can really enjoy it. Orriginal, I am so happy for you. 23 weeks is a huge milestone!
I am so there with you hun! We had our transfer yesterday and I am so nervous for my first and second betas and they are over 1 week away and I am even more scared for our u/s because that\'s when we found out our first pregnancy was a 50-50 chance of being viable. Even my DH said yesterday he was scared to get too excited just because of last time. But he did cautiously ask when our due date could be. I think it will get easier, just take it day by day. Hang in there.
And congrats!!!! I hope beta 2 shows your numbers are doubling nicely!
Congrats Mama! Praying for great news on your 2nd BETA!
And, I can totally relate. I will be 10 weeks tomorrow and DH and I just started talking about this as if it is really happening. We\'ve had 2 CP\'s and its taken us 3 years to get here so it still seems unreal and very scary to get excited. We have decided not to tell friends or family until after our 12wk US. For now we are doing as you say and just celebrating each milestone, the BETA\'s, the first US\'s, even the bloating and nausea! haha
I\'m hoping it gets easier for each of us but with the roller coasters we\'ve all been on, I\'m not sure thats completely possible. So just celebrate what you can and try to seek some peace and comfort in each successful milestone you pass.
Praying for you!!!
Praying for you too! Keep me posted.
Congratulations! What wonderful news! I don\'t think it\'s going to get easier for a while now. Infertile girls never seem to get a break. The best advice given to me was just lake you said, to appreciate and enjoy TODAY- you are pregnant! You can\'t know tomorrow, the more you can stay in the present, the more you will enjoy this beautiful experience about to unfold in front of you! Personally, morning sickness eased some anxiety, as did my stuffy nose because it let me know that baby was making my body produce estrogen. We used a Doppler to listen to the heart beat after about 12 weeks, that was calming- but really at some point you have to turn off the worry voice. Some of the anxiety lifted after about 25 weeks, but still even there were days up til delivery when I worried that she wasn\'t kicking enough. I hope this baby is your rainbow and wish you a smooth and easy 9months!
Yay! Congrats on being prego!
Congrats hun!!
Congrats! I pray that with each milestone, your nerves are set more at ease. I\'m sure what you are feeling is totally normal. You are just protecting yourself.
When I saw your post I was so happy for you. I know it is difficult to be happy but you are on the right track. Celebrate each milestone as it comes. Crossing everything I can for the 2nd beta!!
Congratulations on your BFP! What a blessing and what a great beta number. I understand not wanting to get too attached because of fear but just know you are doing everything right. This is a great milestone and I pray you have many more coming!
This is the first step and I guess we have to just take each one at a time. don\'t get me wrong I am totally with you, I am in a constant state of worry, its exhausting! Congratulations
OMG how did I miss this?! Congrats on your BFP. Its understandable how you are feeling. Fingers crossed for more great betas and your happy ending!
THANK YOU ALL!!! My second beta was yesterday - 629!!!! tomorrow is my 3rd and last beta....GOD WILLING!