Do you think you have stepping stone guy to find the guy of your dreams?

I would like your opinion.  Do you think you have a stepping stone relationship with the opposite sex before you find the person of your dreams?  My girlfriend believes this but I am not sure about it all.  I lost my Smokey.  I am open to finding someone now.  She thinks I need to have a stepping stone relationship before I find the one that is meant for me.  I just want to be patient and go slow to find the one for me as there is no rush on it.  I am interested in Bill but not sure if he is just being nice to me because I did lose Smokey.  It is like in school you can have many crushes before you find someone for you.  I guess the other way to say it is do you have a rebound relationship before you find someone for yourself after you lose your partner thru death.  I have only been a widow for seven months so you can see there is no rush on these things.  I am open and looking at the opposite sex.  I would like your opinion on this topic.
From Diane

Replies

Patswife
Patswife

I cannot imagine thinking of another male for a relationship. We are all different. Hugs, Wendy
deleted_user
deleted_user

Don\'t jump into anything too soon. Take your time. Be friends for a while and let nature take its course. I\'m not anywhere near the point you are, and I would be perfectly content to stay single for the rest of my life, but that is just me. I do miss the companionship, though. Someone to go to flea markets with, long drives, etc.
pattiameo
pattiameo

I understand, Diane. It didn\'t happen that way for Tony and me. When we met we did not leave each other\'s side for 3 days, then moved in together. It took us nearly a year to decide to get married. However, I do believe it is possible either way. A slow, casual friendship can turn into love; but we can also be struck by a thunderbolt as I was. Personally, I have no interest in dating now and do not expect to later; however, I know that others like us do, and I think it is great. You are not the only one I know here at DS who feels this way. I know someone else here who is starting to date someone. Just as she is, you might go slow because of the state you are in. Best of luck!! (((HUGS))) Patti
deleted_user
deleted_user

I think that you need to find yourself and who you really are independent of any man. Life is short and you need to be happy. However make sure that your feelings for someone else are not just loneliness. When you find your next mate it will be apparent to you. Listen to your heart.
Hugs, Pam
deleted_user
deleted_user

I think that for everyone.....finding another love or living alone.....is a very personal choice.....and so is the time frame that they do it in. The only analogy that I can think of right now is that you can\'t start to build a new house on the same site when the foundation is still burning from the old house. That being said, I think you should take finding a new relationship slowly. We all feel so vulnerable when our other half is gone and we wish our life could be OK again or better yet right now. Whatever you decide.......I wish you the best of luck. Everyone deserves to be happy in whatever choices they make. Hugs, Dianne
deleted_user
deleted_user

Do you mean a transitional relationship to get you out of your previous mode and really ready for another person? It appears that many people do need that, but I wouldn\'t know about myself.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I went thru a grief class and heard something that really hit home. ask yourself this question \"Would I date me?\" If you would date yourself, then go ahead and start dating. That question is tackling the whole baggage issue. none of us want to get involved with someone who has so much unhandled baggage that we then become their emotional caretaker to an unhealthy degree.
I think it\'s different for everyone - personally, I am not going to \"plan\" for anything. Whatever happens, happens.
Lisa
PS - I thought for sure David was my rebound guy after my divorce and he turned out to be the love of my life:)