do we all live in our own little balloon's of reality?
I was driving to the dentist this morning and just feeling so 'tapped
out' because I had some wine with dinner last night (at the restaurant I took the Abbess and Sr. Ignatia to.)
I just questioned my life as I drove - I must embrace the relationships here and now, which I have and
invest in them,
rather than think in terms of some appropriate time to and place that will be saying to me 'you have arrived."
My sense of ambition this morning was not very high - I just found myself taking care of my own little life
and not thinking about much else! (my own little balloon) Thoughts of just feeding my own belly and entertaining
not much further than beyond my monkey-nose.
I wondered about super smart people who have the vision and strength to have their own lives - and yet can think
above and beyond the water line of humanity when taking care of their own lives as well as exploiting the vast populus
of people, who like me, are thinking not much beyond their noses, and have the realities we all have in our workaday lives. (I know sounds kind of bleak and dark.)
But I found myself, after chores and errands were done, thinking about my life and what I should do
with my day - and life - is this it? I thought - do I embrace the community? - why at times does it feel like after all my day's work
I have nothing!? What do I want to be in my life?
But then I started to think about how they care about me here - and that felt really nice. Maybe it's just
time to embrace the beautiful communcal life God has presented and given to me?
I reached out to my family - who are all super successful financially - for some fiscal advice
and got no response back. I know I have to chart my own course. Solve my own problems - do the
work of it -
but I suppose with the basis of my my life rooted in my family being very strong and elemental/essential in my life
I feel a great pressure to keep them informed and the need to please.
Sometimes I feel like the smart wealthy people might just be watching other folks live their lives
so easily fished-in with their purchases - the fear of trusting my own fiscal research makes this kind of anxiety spike -
while then the fish (fished in) fall over the waterfall of financial ruin.
They're just watching it all happen. The smart ones know how to take care - the rest maybe not so well
and there's nothing that can be done about it - except exploit it?
I know weird thoughts.
But I thought about all of us -and I just kind of thought about a right or wrong life to live - the risks
and the sacrifices for all our choices...
and it just kind of came clear that we each kindn of live in our own little bubbles'/balloons of reality.
It affirms me to think about that.
It should be my affirmation in life - to think about others is important - but
to embrace my own life and my own relationships is key too.
Peace
Replies
Growing up, I very much practiced the creation of my own world. Creating little worlds in writtten stories or artwork or decorating my room, making terrariums too.
I think that this kind of inclination we all have and then we find a modality in life for crossing the barriers or bridging the barriers from our own worlds and predilection, inclination with “the other “ and outside world. I see it in myself and I see it in my friends here at the monastery.
Markus,
I see you in pure pondering mode today.
I am working working working, trying to stay afloat amidst financial ruin and rehabilitation due to people I let into my life. It’s a TREMENDOUS UNDERTAKING and I can’t speak about it because it feeds and perpetuates stereotypes that the world doesn’t need anymore of. Sorry if that’s vague, but I see the deeper reality in things that many of the wealthy and limited scope experiencers have had revealed to them.
What to do?
I try to continue being true to myself.
I try to stay hopeful that things will one day change and turn around for the better.
I roll up my sleeves in the small ways I can each day to focus on what the realities are surrounding me and my community members.
But it’s hard when people from “up here” places are looking down at me in more ways than one.
I was just at the store and someone whom I have seen before scowled at me and muttered something under her breath. It could have been nothing, but in the small town feel of things, it felt so pessimistic for a brief moment. Then as I walked away and carried on, my focuses turned back to all the work I have to keep doing.
There is simply so much ch misunderstanding and lack of transparency and communication as people hide from one another but waste time on sideswiping when they’d he more productive looking at common ground.
Life certainly isn’t what I expected it to be and I feel exhaustion at the end of each day.
But I think if you can take each day and resolve that you’ve been kind today in an astoundingly unkind world….well….. then I think you’ve done a lot and there should be no question about if you “feel like you’re where you’re supposed to be” or not.
thanks Nikki!
(((peace)))