Do I have a problem?

So, I don't really know where to start... so I will just jump in.  I am 34 years old and I may/may not have an eating disorder.  I say this because I "fit" some markers but not all.  I am very involved in Nutrition and Fitness.  I have studied extensively with nutriton and I eat very healthy foods.  I do not eat out at restaurants and don't eat at family gatherings.  I am gluten intolerant and that limits a lot of foods.  The rest of the foods, I only eat if I have prepared it and know that it is organic or natural and has been cleaned and prepared properly and healthfully.  Some may say that I "fit" orthorexia nervosa.  I also eat only what I burn off.  My diet is roughly 1200 cal per day.  I do cardio for @ 1 hour first thing in the morning 7 days per week and I weight lift at lunch time 5 days per week.  I end up burning @ 1200 cal per day.  I have extensive records of everything that I eat and every workout/ weight routine.  I don't feel hindered by this documentation, but I love doing it and I must do it everyday.  I can literally look back 2 years ago and tell you what exercises I did on that day, reps/sets/weight, etc.  Since April I have been losing a lot of weight and body fat. It started with a calorie counter program and dental surgery.  I just so happen to get an IPOD and downloaded a program to count calories (for fun).  I love it, it allowes me to track EVERYTHING!  I also had gum surgery and couldn't eat much for a week or so and couldn't eat nuts for about 1 month.  During that time, I obviously lost weight... and that is where my wt loss really took off.  Each week I tried to decrease cal and increase exercise.  I went from about 1500 cal per day and exercise about 700 cal per day to the 1200 vs 1200 now.  I went from 134 lbs to 105 lbs, 24% body fat to 15%, size 6 to less than 0 (0 are a little big).  My waist is 23.5 inches.  I have lost my breasts, butt, and a lot of weight in my face.  With my weight lifting, all you see is muscle.  When I am at the gym, I get constant compliments about how great I look and what I did not make such a great transformation.  However, at work and my parents (people who don't work out or at least not much) say I look way too thin.  My supervisor pulled me into her office this week and told me that she has been getting a lot of concerns from others in the office wondering if I was ok.  I know I am very thin.  Even my 8 year old daughter says I feel like bones when she lays up against me and she needs a pillow now, it's also uncomfortable for me too.  But I feel great.  I feel healthy and I do love being "skinny".  Ok, so the parts I know are issues... I used to have days that I ate more just becasue I was hungry, now I don't need to do that becasue I chew and spit A LOT.  I have established "rules" in which I c/s by, like only certain foods, certain times, etc.  I mainly make a healthy trail mix and only c/s that.  I also only c/s right after a small meal so that my body does get some nutrients and I don't just make it think it's going to get food and it get nothing.  The worst thing thing about this behavior is that it is gross and expensive, but does it hurt anyone? Not even me if I stick to my rules (except sore jaw sometimes).  I really am a happy person and am not trying to hurt myself, get attention.  I am a bit obsessed with my weight loss and secretly love the scale to continue going down, even though I tell people that I am not trying to lose weight.  I don't want people to think I am sick or have an eating disorder.  I would be mortified if people thought that.  I have always been the one people go to for advise on nutrition and fitness and if I had a disorder, that would ruin my reputation of what I have always portrayed= healthy eating/ living.  So, I don't feel I can even talk to anyone about whether or not I have a problem.  Am I in denial or is this just one of my "quirks"?

Replies

lastvice
lastvice

This definately is eating disorder behavior! I hate to tell you, but it will most likely get worse and you won\'t be sticking to your \"rules\" for long. This can take hold and control you. I would urge you to seek a ED therapist and maybe inpatient to stop the c/s cycle. For me, when I consume my mind with thoughts of calories, exercise, etc. then I can\'t think about my problems. Same with binge/purge for me. It\'s an escape, like a drug. Talking about our feelings is much healthier. I could go on forever... Contact me anytime - I\'m sure you\'ll get a lot of support here! :-)
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes, you have a problem...you should be more concerned with your health since you obviously care about that , then what people will think. C/S IS dangerous, I\'ll see if I can find the article(s) for you. You need to find a therapist and look into getting treatment, you are on a slippery slope and there is nothing to be \"mortified\" about. It\'s a mental disorder...would you be \"mortified\" about cancer or your migraines?
Admitting you have an issue it the first step, and yes it pertains to this too...this is so clearly an issue, get help. You are in denial..deeply. Search dangers of c/s on here, in the ED boards...there should be a few articles and posts about the dangers of it. I know that it can wreck our jaw and causes similar issues to purging since it triggers your stomach acids b.c you trick your body into getting ready for food.
The Ed group has lots of support, tough love and good friends...hugs.