Divorce vs Widowhood

An idiot told me that divorce is harder than losing a spouse to death.  This person has never been widowed or divorced.  They're basing this on what they've seen from their divorced friends.  I didn't say anything.  I figured if she'd made it 56 years being dumb she was happy with it.  But here's my take on it and I'm sure yolu'll agree:  I've been both.  I divorced my late husband years ago and we remarried later.  One of the things a divorced person is allowed to do that a widowed person is not--they're allowed to stop loving their spouse.  We call it healing.  You can look at all their flaws and eventually come to the conclusion you're better off without them.  I think of the people I've known who had spouses that played around on  them and they loved them anyhow.  I didn't get the love part.  Anyhow when the spouse left, they were devastated, then all their friends rallied around them, telling them how they're better off without the guy.  Eventually, they came to the same conclusion and never looked back.
But if you're widowed, you still love the person.  A lot of the times you don't even know you're about to be split apart.  Few divorced people can say that.  They've got time to prepare.  Another thing.  Once your spouse dies, there's no chance of getting back together.  No councelors can  help you.  It's just over.  When my husband and I divorced we stayed friends, hanging out and still loving each other.  We got back together and stayed together because of the love.  And I knew as long as he was alive I will love him. 
But for the person who lost a spouse, well, it doesn't matter how much  you love.  It's over.   It's final.  And it takes your breath away.

Replies

DianeMTB
DianeMTB

I totally agree with everything you said about divorce vs widowhood.
At least with divorce, that person is still alive.
Widowhood, one the person is diseased, they will never ever come back.
I think divorce is much easier compared to widowhood.
We both experience divorce and widowhood. We know for sure.
I hope your day is going fine. So far, so good. All the best and stay in touch from Diane B.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have had a good friend tell me the same thing. She felt widowhood would have been easier than divorce because she said she wanted her ex-spouse dead so she wouldn\'t have to deal with him. I told her that her & her ex had a choice to divorce or not. I didn\'t have the choice- it just happened-he died and now I am alone! I have friends who truly don\'t understand that this has forever changed me & my world. One friend told me I should be at this stage (15 months) moving on & dating. This friend still has both of her parents alive, her spouse has never been sick, she has 4 siblings all well and alive. The only death she has ever faced has been grandparents who lived to be over 90! Needless to say I am NOT taking her advice! One day at a time!
deleted_user
deleted_user

When you are divorced, you can still talk to your ex if you choose! I would give anything to have a conversation with my husband. Divorce is painful, but there is nothing like losing your soulmate. (except losing your child). Hugs today, and just let your friend live with their false assumptions.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I went through a divorce years ago, and I can tell you it doesn\'t compare to the loss of your spouse your soulmate. Yes, divorce can be painful, but that pain goes away. When you lose your soulmate the pain never goes away. Sending you a hug.

Jean