Distance Between Us...

i dont know what wrong with her, my best friend. we haven't spoken, really spoken in weeks. i feel this great space between us. the classes we used to speak in, she now spends with another friend of mine. i'm not the jealous type, but she was the onylone i could really talk to, and i'm just alittle lonely is all. i dont mind though, she obviously needs the break, i wont lie, i can be a bit much to handle some times. i'm moody and have alot of internal stuff going on all the time, she thinks i have an actual condition, i dont want to know... ignorance is bliss i always say.  this isn't the first time we took a "break". last year we went to italy together with my band (school not personal), it was a mess. it was my fault, when it comes to expressing myself not on paper, i dont translate well and she hardly spoke to me when we returned, she even cried on the trip because of me, i'll never forgive myself for that. i love her, she's all i really have, and when ever i get close to someone, my first instinct is to push them away. i hate that i cant control that part of me. i know i'm a good person, and i know it's not my intentions, but that doesn't stop it from happening. the fact that she's still my freind never stops amazing me. becasue of all the truoble i cause her, i let her do watever she wants. i dont know if that's the best way to handle it, but it's the best i can do to compensate. i dont want to be one of those needy friends who clings so i'll wait this out and focus on other stuff, i do have other friends, plenty of them... i miss her though