"Discussion"#2 With "Fred", The Journal
Hi Fred: Made it through one more day. Some good things happened which I am glad for. (1) Lee Ann called & we hung out together for a bit. (2) I heard from a couple of new people from DS. It was helpful to hear from them. (3) Spent a couple hours this evening at John & Lee Ann's. John & Nick were best friends before he died. Nick asked John to help look after me before he died.
I was able to tell Lee Ann a little more about how I feel inside. Actually things feels worse in ways than they did last month. I know I am not the only person who has suffered a loss of a loved one. I also know that we all must say good bye at some point. This logic just isn't helping me right now. Nothing seems to really matter at this point. The hollow hurting feeling fills me most of the time. I try to keep busy but it all just seems pointless.
I have some great neighbors and friends who do their best to be there for me. I love them for this and will try to hang in there. The future seems like a very bleak, flat and endless landscape. I hope this changes. I really need to find some reason to hang around.
I really hate week ends. Nick & I usually did things together. Not great exciting things but little things ... trips to the shops, pick nicks, walking, hiking, visiting friends and even some work in the garden. We did NOT have a perfect marriage at all but we had a bond that was ever so deep. I feel that the best part of me died with him.
Well, Fred, that's enough of my sniveling tonight. The cats are trying to help me type. I'd better go feed them. They really are a comfort to have with me.
Good night and thanks again for listening to me.
Darlene
7/1/2011
I was able to tell Lee Ann a little more about how I feel inside. Actually things feels worse in ways than they did last month. I know I am not the only person who has suffered a loss of a loved one. I also know that we all must say good bye at some point. This logic just isn't helping me right now. Nothing seems to really matter at this point. The hollow hurting feeling fills me most of the time. I try to keep busy but it all just seems pointless.
I have some great neighbors and friends who do their best to be there for me. I love them for this and will try to hang in there. The future seems like a very bleak, flat and endless landscape. I hope this changes. I really need to find some reason to hang around.
I really hate week ends. Nick & I usually did things together. Not great exciting things but little things ... trips to the shops, pick nicks, walking, hiking, visiting friends and even some work in the garden. We did NOT have a perfect marriage at all but we had a bond that was ever so deep. I feel that the best part of me died with him.
Well, Fred, that's enough of my sniveling tonight. The cats are trying to help me type. I'd better go feed them. They really are a comfort to have with me.
Good night and thanks again for listening to me.
Darlene
7/1/2011
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