Disconted love

Finding myself locking up my personality in order to protect myself. Many different kind of abuse as surrounded me. Their really not much I haven't experienced. Not being able to trust my Mr. Amazing is overwhelming.  I am afraid of him. He is going to use my knowledge agent me. 
 As I am afraid to show him what I love to do and what makes me who I am. I feel as if am strangling myself. Wanting to cause myself self ham over harming him. Changing myself around him in order to make him happy with who he thinks I am. Its been months and my mine mind won't let me think otherwise. Theirs no way it was out of care. How can such stress over not willing to complicate cause me to hid way? This way no one gets hurts...But my mind