Disappearing Act

My anger is slowly starting to eat away at me. I can't eat, all I want to do is sleep, and when I can't be sleeping I just want everyone to leave me alone. Daily small talk and friendly banter is even feeling like work to me at this point. I don't feel like anyone understands what I'm feeling and I want to just disappear. I thought about going for a run and just continuing to go until my legs give out. Just run forever away from everyone and everything and just fucking disappear. I know I'm just rambling. I just.... im feeling overwhelmed by everything. I am normally the "fixer" and people come to me to help fix their shit. I can make a game plan and talk through anyone else's problem but my own. When it comes to me I want NOTHING to do with what I'm going through. I'd much rather be arguing with my boyfriend, or feeling everyday job stresses than coping (or not) with the memories of my childhood. I've never talked to anyone with the same issues I have, and it makes me feel even more isolated-- even more of a reason to want to disappear. I feel like I want to cry but I can't even do that. I'm so numb. I don't want to do anything or be anything. I don't want to exist right now. I know it will eventually get better.... I always get back to that point where I'm actively working to combat these feeling through suppression or whatever else. But right now it seems all my methods are coming up short. No amount of meditation or music or weed or alcohol is helping with this feeling. Nothing is filling this void. I'm running out of options. I don't know what the fuck to do. I am lost. And I'm getting scared that this time I won't find my way back.