Dinner

I HAVE to work out now. I ate dinner......it had to be like 500 calories. I ate like 6-8 boneless BBQ chicken....like 2 or 3 spoonfuls of baked beans, and 2 or 3 spoonfuls of Brunswick stew...I am such a fucking pig! I thought maybe I could purge....I managed to drink water this morning and purge it back up........soooooo, yeah.....I tried to purge and only a little water came up......that's it. I'm upset. I tried like 2 or 3 times in the cafeteria rest room, then I went to a more private rest room in the fine arts building...I drank half a bottle of water and tried to purge.....it didn't work. Only a little water came up.....I tried 2 times, and then I gave up....I hated it. If more came out, I wouldn't mind it so much....I guess I'll have to stick with laxatives and starvation and restriction. I should never have went to the caf. That was so stupid of me. I did good not to eat ALL FUCKING DAY! And then this shit happens!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO FUCKING UPSET! Damn it!
Whatever. I'm taking castor oil today and working out. I'll give that meal 500 fucking calories, and write down what I had, and in all, it means I had like 520 something cals..........I hope that dinner was less than 500 cals...I hope it was more so around 300......I'm not eating anymore. I'm staying under 300 cals....200 if possible. I NEED to lose weight. I WILL LOSE WEIGHT! This time, I will have all control, and I will get rid of all this ugly fat sticking to my body!