Dilusuional

I'm such an idiot and fool for even thinking he has some remorse. That he even has the slightest tinge for me and the person I am after 22+ years. That somehow he would hurt and feel pain and regret and feel some sense of caring or just something human. I pray and pray to God to guide him. I guess his prayers are answered to get out of me alive. He would have eaten his arm off if he could to be able to leave. I could never do what he did to a human being let alone someone who loved me. There's something wrong with him and me for still even be thinking of him. Wow I'm such a pathetic loser right now holding out for him to at least care about me. I hate myself and what I do to myself over him.