different ways

a little bit of helpful thoughts came to me today while I worked.

I just kind of thought about me behind the bakery counter, working

away at packaging the baked goods all on my own as my little cave.
I felt like a kind of crustacean or sea creature living on a coral reef

sorting and pushing around my stuff that keeps my life going :).

It's funny how I kind of found my medium at that moment. One reality is as good as any other :).

I worked the day away just trying to keep my focus in check and I tried to find my own sense

of self by just admitting to myself that we all have different ways of dealing 

with things. The thoughts just helped me keep 'regarding with a kind of healthy expectation'

and moreover a sense of my own trajectory with the day's work.

It went well. 

I found myself having a kind of intensity and that intensity seems to be just my normal

energy - that once noticed I could perspectivize and not let overwhelm me or drag me downwards. The work was so easy and went so fast

that there really was so nothing to it. It was fun. Time flew by.

I drove home from work and seemed to be able to drive myself with the same mentality. Where

as I might have felt much anxiety usually, I told myself

that everyone is a different kind of car driver out there. The thought really helped me

feel and experience the road without anxiety and evaluate peoples' driving

but also without the pressure to feel 'no anxiety' - I kept my focus.

I just felt some intensity - call it the 'energy of the day!' :) 

I got home and relaxed a bit, and I found my usual habits starting up - and I thought

just because my day was my own at this point, doesn't mean

I have to keep grinding away at life - 'It's a' - and 'there is a' - lightness of being with 

keeping my intense energy in check, and using it and not letting it dictate that I drill down deeper and deeper.

We each choose what we do with ourselves when we are alone etc.. - and that perspective

that choice really helped me just cope with my own choices. It's hard to explain maybe 

but I definitely used to look for 'right' rather than 'what I would just like to do...' 

There's a sense of living in my reality and quite happy about it :) 

Anyways- so it goes, I am going to wind down here shortly. I hope you guys are doing well.

Sending good vibes,
:) Mark