Different Time Zone

I have finally figured out why people who have not lost their spouses expect us to "get over it" so fast; it is because they are in a different time zone.  At 15 months out from Stan's death, I did not expect to continue to feel so  much sadness and loneliness.  Fifteen months sounds like a lot of time on paper, but it feels different emotionally.  Like it or not, I have these two different calendars and two different clocks that I am attempting to live by, and draw together, but often times they are running along separate parallel lines.  Yesterday when someone at church asked me how I was, I said "all right" but I thought "not really - I'm still in pain".  I gave him the answer I knew he would understand, not the one I was feeling.  I wonder how long it will be before I feel back in "real" time again. 

Replies

ricebells
ricebells

l feel exactly the same,in a way l feel as though l am frozen in time,and that time runs from when my husband died 15 months ago,all the time before that 42 years some way feels like some surreal dream,l know only people who are going through grief can understand this,l,m sure if l told a psychiatrist this he,d think there was something wrong with me.l always say l am fine when people ask,if l really told them how l was feeling they wouldn,t know what to say
Alice
deleted_user
deleted_user

We are spiralling down into a black hole (well-named). Time passes at a normal rate per the perception of people outside this hole, but it\'s slowing down almost to a stop for those of us who have fallen into it. Perfect metaphor, right?

For the first month, I said things like \"What do you expect?\" when people asked how I was. Now I too just say \"fine\". But with a little twist in my voice! I\'m not getting into a whole sad story every time I see or talk to anybody.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I feel like I am living in an episode of \"Lost\"....
Dan entered the hospital on January 10 and time stopped for me that day. It was like being in another universe, but I kept being drug back because the business world didn\'t stop and I had certain business matters that HAD to be taken care of. Then, with his death on Feb. 13, I spun into a whole new universe. But somehow, I am still apart of this \"real\" world too. It is just so confusing. Yes, I certainly feel like this world is operating on 2 different clocks.
MDD
MDD

I just tell people I have good days, bad days and horible days. People who have not lost anyone before have no clue what we feel but we do know that if they go through it in the future that we would be there for them and we would not expect them to get over it. I too am tired of people expecting us to be our chipper selves when we lost the most precious person to us. I am not letting anyone tell me how I should feel at this point because we are all different and we handle things differently according to our makeup. I just take it for what it is, their ignorance to reality. I understand that they really do not want us hurting, but have no understanding of our world as it is today. Do the best that you can and don\'t let others dictiate what you feel when you feel it.