Did things just get worse or better?
I am getting really anxious lately. I am attributing it to the side affects of ritilin, but I am still so anxious. I don't like going to work anymore because it is stressing me out. It is paying me minimum wage. I know... at least it is something but still I need more than that to live. I have called out at work several times. I have probably called in sick as many days that I have actually attended work.
They are going to stop scheduling me to work. This is in a good way. They want me to straighten everything up and then post some new availability and basically start over, because they need to rebuild trust in me and know that I am going to show up for all shifts. And then they will start training me for different positions. Two of the managers took me outside and spoke to me about all of this. They were very nice about it and explained why and what this was happening. They also explained to me that I am great at what I do and they want to keep me at Landmark. That was nice to hear. Maybe if they had said it earlier I would have been more motivated to coming to all of my work shifts.
Other than that yesterday I went to my pdoc and I was so tired because Thursday night I was at the hospital volunteering and I stayed late, but I got home and couldn't fall asleep until around 4:30am and then I had to wake up at 6am and get back to the hospital to see my pdoc at 8am. I was so tired during our session and I asked her about the differences between a Bipolar "disorder" and mental "illness." So I am just curious about the the ranking and where I stand from other individuals. I read these books where the authors tell their stories and they are so powerful and extremely moving. It is amazing what these people have had to endure from this disorder. But, between other people with a more normal threshold and something more on my level or Bipolar II Depression not Bipolar I Manic and rapid cycling. So, my doctor responded by telling me that my illness is very severe and and has been very difficult to treat and maintain a specific level of cognition, or cognitive activity. It's been a long time with this illness and I never feel like there is something to hold on to. I am still living with my mom, have no money, have a car that I don't really trust to keep getting me to work, school, and home. And, now I have a job that pays me minimum wage and stresses me out. I applied to work at an open position in the Dean's office of the CLAS of CU Denver. If I was to get the position I would really enjoy working for the University again.
I feel really sick right now. I ate some pizza that has been in the frige for a while and I am not sure if it was good or not. I think that it was fine, I am just having some somataform disorder, Hypochondria. I took 20mg of Ritalin (my normal dosage), but it is making me crazy, overly anxious and I think that is where my stomach issue is coming from. I really wired and really rited at the same time.
I am going to try to get some laundry.
Goodnight moon.
They are going to stop scheduling me to work. This is in a good way. They want me to straighten everything up and then post some new availability and basically start over, because they need to rebuild trust in me and know that I am going to show up for all shifts. And then they will start training me for different positions. Two of the managers took me outside and spoke to me about all of this. They were very nice about it and explained why and what this was happening. They also explained to me that I am great at what I do and they want to keep me at Landmark. That was nice to hear. Maybe if they had said it earlier I would have been more motivated to coming to all of my work shifts.
Other than that yesterday I went to my pdoc and I was so tired because Thursday night I was at the hospital volunteering and I stayed late, but I got home and couldn't fall asleep until around 4:30am and then I had to wake up at 6am and get back to the hospital to see my pdoc at 8am. I was so tired during our session and I asked her about the differences between a Bipolar "disorder" and mental "illness." So I am just curious about the the ranking and where I stand from other individuals. I read these books where the authors tell their stories and they are so powerful and extremely moving. It is amazing what these people have had to endure from this disorder. But, between other people with a more normal threshold and something more on my level or Bipolar II Depression not Bipolar I Manic and rapid cycling. So, my doctor responded by telling me that my illness is very severe and and has been very difficult to treat and maintain a specific level of cognition, or cognitive activity. It's been a long time with this illness and I never feel like there is something to hold on to. I am still living with my mom, have no money, have a car that I don't really trust to keep getting me to work, school, and home. And, now I have a job that pays me minimum wage and stresses me out. I applied to work at an open position in the Dean's office of the CLAS of CU Denver. If I was to get the position I would really enjoy working for the University again.
I feel really sick right now. I ate some pizza that has been in the frige for a while and I am not sure if it was good or not. I think that it was fine, I am just having some somataform disorder, Hypochondria. I took 20mg of Ritalin (my normal dosage), but it is making me crazy, overly anxious and I think that is where my stomach issue is coming from. I really wired and really rited at the same time.
I am going to try to get some laundry.
Goodnight moon.
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