Did I Really Do This????

I have been unhappy in my relationship for awhile now.  So has he, or so I think.  It seems we fight a ridiculous amount, and we spend alot of time going to bed in angry silence.
 
Last night I just couldn't take it anymore.  I took off my promise ring and my engagment ring and I gave them back.  I told him I didn't want to leave him, that I loved him, but that I couldn't marry someone who wasn't happy with me.
 
He actually told me that he didn't see a problem in our relationship!! He had anger issues as a child, and they are starting to rear up again, and it scares me.
 
 He yells at me for little things, like the other day, he was changing his tires and we had to go out.  So I kenneled the dog and he told me not to forget to lock the door.  So I double made sure I locked it, and then it turned out his keys weren't in the car like he thought, they were inside.  And I didn't grab my key because I just assumed he had his.  That made it all my fault.  And he stood in the garage yelling at me.  Or last night, we went to a movie, and he had had a dentist appointment that ran late, so by the time we got to the theatre the show was sold out.  He made a big scene in the lobby, somehow blaming it on my that we didn't get tickets.  I was humiliated!  And he thinks a mumbled 'sorry but you shouldn't of.....' is enough to make it all go away.
 
He wouldn't talk to me last night.  The hurt in his eyes tore at my heart.  But I have to do this!  I have to make him see that our relationship is falling apart and I want to stop it.  I told him we could try counselling, we could have nightly talks, we could do anything...I just want to make it better.
 
He will be good for a few days, then he will snap. 
 
And the only emotion he shows me anymore is anger.  He rants and raves about money....how I never pay for gas, for heat, for the mortgage, for groceries.  We have a joint bank account!  All my money is in the same account all the bills come out of.  And he stills calls it 'his money' or 'his account'. 
 
I'm tired, and I need to do something.  I don't want to leave him, and for all I know, this angered him enough that he's going to kick me out.  Or he's going to try to pretend like nothing happened.  Like he usually does.
 
But I'm so lost, and I'm not going to let him sluff it off.  I just can't get him to talk to me.  
 
I asked him last night, after I gave the rings back, what he was thinking, what he was feeling.  And he shrugged.  He told me he wasn't thinking or feeling anything.  That hurt, alot.  I just reduced our status back to just dating, and he acts like he doesn't even care.  He tells me that it doesn't really matter.  Just like when he makes me cry, or I sleep on the couch.  Doesn't seem to bother him.
 
Arrrrgggg.....I'm just so overwhelmed!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Ahhh, the perpetual struggle between men and women over communication. Heh. I don\'t want to minimize your problems in any way.... trust me, I understand how frustrating it is to get angry, get uspet, whatever, and to get NOTHING in response from them! Unfortunately though, I think almost every woman in a relationship with a man has similar complaints. When I met my husband, I thought he was a \"sensitive, emotional\" guy... I thought he was different. I was 17 and naive, apparently, because none of them are \"different.\" I personally think my my husband is afraid of his feelings... and maybe the same is true for your boyfriend- especially if so many of his feelings come out as anger- maybe he just doesn\'t know how to handle his emotions. That has NOTHING to do with you- that is not your fault... couple\'s counseling couldn\'t hurt, but it sounds like he needs some counseling of his own to work through some things.

I also think that sometimes guys grown complacent in their relationships.... like they no longer have to try as hard as they did when you first met, because they have you and everything is moving along smoothly. Now they can just act how they want to and it\'s fine. I think every now and then they need a reminder that a relationships with us is NOT a given. I think by giving the rings back you sent him a VERY strong message about his behavior being unacceptable and how you\'re not just always going to be there no matter what. Even if he didn\'t react the way you wanted him to, it has to bother him.

I really hope this serves as a wake-up calls for him. Relationships take WORK and effort on the part of BOTH PEOPLE... he needs to start doing his part. If he\'s not willing to be present in the relationship, to really be a part of it, then maybe you need to reconsider things. Don\'t ever forget that we ALL deserve to be happy.

I\'m sorry you guys are having such a rough time right now. I really hope things improve. Also, hopefully we\'ll get to talk soon- I don\'t think I\'ve spoken to you since our failed Facebook chat- I think I said like two sentences before it stopped working. That thing sucks. Talk to you soon!

~Jennifer