dialogue back and forth, responsibility, relationship and drives

I woke up early this morning and tried to stay asleep until around 530am.

Blue needed food early on and then I jumped back in bed.

My parents gave me some pizza and pasta to take home with me last night

and so I decided to have a nice cold italian meal for breakfast today in bed Hahah!

I was feeling so sort of 'out of it' this morning. No real motivation, it was odd, but I decided

the walk would solve that issue....so just put one foot in front of the other 

and as I got there....I kind of meandered along and just enjoyed

the trail.

I then came home and cleaned up the place. I showered and dressed too.

I folded the laundry and then received a text from my siblings as well as a phone call from my sister.

I found myself having to cope with the nature of relationships - "reacting within" that things

were being done badly - but then coming back down to reason - making sure to recognize along the way

that I know they are working hard and spending time on this - and that I need to lead with an example too

for them to see that I was offering something serious as well and also thoughtful about a certain

issue we are working on as a family.  It just struck me as I kind of found an engine within

to produce this thought of an offering to them - a kind of inner engine I found that I had never experienced

like this. Maybe it's a sense of agency coming to me in a different way? Or maybe responsibility in a different way?

Whatever...

So I kind of found myself in my inner dialogue going between 'what I wish would be the case', to

dealing with my own agency in the relationship and to then offer them ideas and suggestions and so

respecting that they are handling it as they are. Good or bad we have to make soup.

I guess I am just learning the lesson of partnership  - and though it sucks to be dependent on others - I know

each us has to negotiate relationships in life and maybe the way we wish things were...but then what's come to me

rather than to sit and stew and ruminate - I 

also am starting to see it's important to look above and beyond our mental 'mind traps' of life's daily responsibilities to see what we want to get out of life... Like beyond work and the white noise...

I want a piece of the pie too. :)!

I am so grateful for my job - and grateful for the support you guys and my family give me...

I'm going to head out to St. Max's Church just to get out of the house for their 5pm mass.

Not feeling it, but I will go. It will probably be nice.