DH And Due Date
So DH goes on a golf weekend once a year. Some where off where the phone signals suck and the boys can go off and drink and smoke cigars without being disturbed. I've never had a problem with this. Everybody needs to get away. But this year it's over the weekend where the Saturday would have been our due date.
Without discussing it at all he's saying he's going. I haven't said anything about it, but I'm actually really bothered by it. I don't want to plan to be upset when the due date comes, but obviously I'm going to be thinking about it a lot especially over those particular days....I think it will be hard to be alone at the time when we should have been bringing home our baby, and it'll be hard not to resent that he's decided to go off and live it up with the guys and leave me alone.
But I don't know if I want to ask him not to go. "Life is for the living" and all that. And how's it going to help me to have him with me if I'm thinking about how he doesn't want to be there? But it's also not fair to not tell him how I feel if I'm going to "hold it against" him. Grudges are really not my thing, but I am feeling this very deeply...
It's not like he doesn't realize it's the due date, and he knows how upset I still get over our loss. It just feels so heartless and not like him.
Without discussing it at all he's saying he's going. I haven't said anything about it, but I'm actually really bothered by it. I don't want to plan to be upset when the due date comes, but obviously I'm going to be thinking about it a lot especially over those particular days....I think it will be hard to be alone at the time when we should have been bringing home our baby, and it'll be hard not to resent that he's decided to go off and live it up with the guys and leave me alone.
But I don't know if I want to ask him not to go. "Life is for the living" and all that. And how's it going to help me to have him with me if I'm thinking about how he doesn't want to be there? But it's also not fair to not tell him how I feel if I'm going to "hold it against" him. Grudges are really not my thing, but I am feeling this very deeply...
It's not like he doesn't realize it's the due date, and he knows how upset I still get over our loss. It just feels so heartless and not like him.
Replies
I\'m sorry. I can tell you I\'m sure my DH always forgot when my due dates were for all my mcs. It\'s just not something that he wanted to remember even if it\'s something I couldn\'t forget. This time my due date is so close to Zoey\'s passing, I know it\'s going to be extra hard.
If you are already upset I would tell him. Could he maybe go away an other weekend ? If he ends up going I would try to make sure to plan to be busy with friends too. I know it always helped me to also remind myself that babies are almost never born on there due date. It not much but I tried not to get to focus on that one day.
Hope you talk it out with DH.
I\'m so sorry this sucks so bad. I would tell him how you feel, just so he knows. It\'s important to keep the communication flowing. Keeping it in will probably make you feel worse. Maybe you would also like to be with your friends or family at that time? He could have forgotten. Men deal with things so much differently to us and he might have forgotten. My husband probably will forget if I don\'t remind him at the time. I\'m also dreading the due date from my mc. Stay strong!
I\'m sorry girl. Definitely talk to him. If he does go, try to plan a girls weekend and be surrounded by people who love and support you.
I just wanted to start by saying, I know I don\'t know you, but am friends with some of the ladies who commented, so I saw this in my feed. I just passed my due date and felt like I wanted to tell you I\'m so sorry - both for your loss and for the difficulty with your DH. I knew that mine wouldn\'t remember. It\'s just not something that is as ingrained in their heads, I think. I made a point to mention it to him a couple of weeks beforehand. I told him that I anticipated it being a difficult day. Even so, a couple of times in those next 2 weeks, he unthinkingly asked me what we were doing that weekend...and mentioned we should do something, like go camping. So I knew that he hadn\'t made the connection or had forgotten again. So I reminded him.
I understand where you are coming from in not wanting to ask him to stay and having him be upset because of it. But knowing you will resent him if he doesn\'t stay. I miscarried on a Monday. That Friday, my husband went on a campout with his son, leaving me with his daughter. (The stepkids live with us full time.) I didn\'t want to ask him to stay, even though I really felt like I needed him to. I still regret that decision. I wish I had at least told him how I felt. It\'s more that I feel I wasn\'t honest and open with him, which allowed him to inadvertently hurt me.
So, I think that you should talk to your husband about how you feel. Exactly how you expressed it here. That you\'re not sure if you want/need him to stay. But that you really don\'t want to be alone. I guess not so much asking him to stay, but expressing your feelings about the day - your fears, uncertainties...and need to feel supported and extra loved from him on that day.
Hugs and prayers your way.
Thank you all for your thoughts! I haven\'t decided what to do yet. It seems impossible to me that he could have forgotten, but maybe I\'m wrong? How can someone as focused on every detail as he is forget this? Ugh
Unfortunately this golf trip is a big event with about 20 guys that only happens once a year, so he can\'t just rearrange it. I\'d have no problem asking him not to go if he could do it another time. But it\'s basically the only time he gets away other than family trips. And he really could use some fun and relaxation, and I want him to have that....it\'s just so unfair that it has to coincide like that!
I think you\'re right and I need to tell him how I\'m feeling, I just need to pick the words so he doesn\'t think I want him to feel bad about wanting to go. I think no matter how I put it, he\'ll hear it as me asking him to stay... this is so frustrating! As hard as getting through a due date is bound to be, and this extra layer on top!
Hi Mary, I\'m so sorry how this has worked out for you. It\'s typical that DH\'s trip has clashed at a time when you need him the most. Even if it\'s just for a cuddle or a bit of distraction. Have you got a really close friend you can hang out with instead?