Devastated
After losing my beloved little granddaughter by her obnoxious parents alienating her from us, I have traveled a long and weary road along with most of us here on this group. I have gone from numbness and disbelief to rage and resentment to great overwhelming sorrow - the whole gamut of emotions and I am sure I am not alone in this!
So, it was with much joy and tears of happiness that I learnt from my son that his partner was pregnant - and I immediately decided not to let the past interfere with my relationship with the coming grandchild, feeling so blessed. I started shopping and knitting right away and one day, I saw a book of baby names on line going for a song, so I ordered it. Imagine how I felt when I told my son's partner about the book and she said "That is for us to do! We already have some names picked out!" I did not know. I did not know that her dear old grandmother is busy concocting a mish-mosh of family names. I was so hurt by what I felt was her ungracious reaction. I walked away from their home realizing that I was probably making them feel smothered.
I have realized the absolute necessity for me to back right off. After all, by and large we are not as close to our daughters-in-law as they are to their own mums when pregnant. As I walked, I felt so very alone and bereft. More sorrow. More letting go.
I know that it is absolutely imperative for me to find a life of my own. I have been a mum since I was 17 and I had six children - they shared my life as I shared theirs. Now they are adults. It has been the hardest thing in the world for me to let go.
I have to find new interests all my own now. I have to live my own life and I don't even know how to. I have been a mother since I was a child myself. For my personal survival, this is going to be vital and I would appreciate all the suggestions I can get.
My heart and prayers go out to you all.
So, it was with much joy and tears of happiness that I learnt from my son that his partner was pregnant - and I immediately decided not to let the past interfere with my relationship with the coming grandchild, feeling so blessed. I started shopping and knitting right away and one day, I saw a book of baby names on line going for a song, so I ordered it. Imagine how I felt when I told my son's partner about the book and she said "That is for us to do! We already have some names picked out!" I did not know. I did not know that her dear old grandmother is busy concocting a mish-mosh of family names. I was so hurt by what I felt was her ungracious reaction. I walked away from their home realizing that I was probably making them feel smothered.
I have realized the absolute necessity for me to back right off. After all, by and large we are not as close to our daughters-in-law as they are to their own mums when pregnant. As I walked, I felt so very alone and bereft. More sorrow. More letting go.
I know that it is absolutely imperative for me to find a life of my own. I have been a mum since I was 17 and I had six children - they shared my life as I shared theirs. Now they are adults. It has been the hardest thing in the world for me to let go.
I have to find new interests all my own now. I have to live my own life and I don't even know how to. I have been a mother since I was a child myself. For my personal survival, this is going to be vital and I would appreciate all the suggestions I can get.
My heart and prayers go out to you all.
Replies
Praying for you. I know what a heart break not to be able to see your g/k\'s Hugs to you. Letting go can be so hurtful and hard sometimes. I\'m learning to live in today and leave the rest to God.
You know, I think that all of us are pretty much in the same boat. We put so much into mothering believing that that was our highest purpose as women. And indeed it is a very noble purpose for a woman.
It is so painful when we are cut off from someone that has meant so much to us and someone that in essence has bestowed our identity upon us. I think that we have all believed that mothering would be a part of our lives until we died.
But now we must go on. We must move beyond this time of mothering and ask the Lord what it is that He means for us to do to honor Him. We are still mothers whether they want to give us that place or not. But above all, we are servants of the Living God. Each day we must ask Him what He wants us to do to serve Him. It could be anything from foster care to just smiling at people we encounter in our daily journey and making them feel that they are worthwhile human beings.
I know in the past few years God has burned quite a bit of dross out of me. But in doing that, I have to open myself to His Spirit and the presence of His Love. I am still healing, but to do that I must seek His face.
My reaction to this comment of yours........We put so much into mothering believing that that was our highest purpose as women. And indeed it is a very noble purpose for a woman.
This is something I have been thinking about a lot the past several months......I sincerely believe if I had a Crystal Ball andI would have done a lot of things differently.
You are so right........now we must go on......and get a total new life for ourself......for me it is a blessing I don\'t live in the same state she does.......
So sorry for your pain.I only have one granddaughter and I see her most days.She is precious to me.I would be devastated if she left or her parents stopped our relationship.How unfair.It seems to me that your daughter inlaw is controlling the situation. Is your son religious like you? What about his wife? What is the reason they have done this?