Detached
No real space in my house right now
wow< teenage girls require lots of personal space....but give me none! Always want to know what I'm doing.......!!!
Runaway niece is settled here and made a huge improvement...attitude is great and she's happy and cheerful......follows me around at the heels......
This weekend my gran who is in her 90's had a fall and broke alot of bones and is badly bruised....obviously she is in hospital.
My mum has been upsetting me for years regarding this issue.....my gran lives with her sister (also in her 90's) in a city a 2 hour drive from us. I've said for years we need to move them closer, they shouldn't be left on their own so far away from us. But my mum just made excuse after excuse, sickening me as they got older and older
It's not my position to make decesions as I'm the grandchild not the daughter
Today I said to my mum that we must visit my gran.......my mum looked for every excuse she could....
so I said well I'm going and that i had made arrangements for someone to look after the kids.
she couldnt get out of it then
My poor old gran, confused,bruised,broken.....
I noticed my mum kind of hide behind me as we entered the ward....she seemed afraid
She didn't know how to talk to my Gran....so talked across her to my Aunt who was there
My Aunt and my Mum then went on to have an argument across my Gran about which of 'them' was the most poorly
Both my mum and aunt are in ill health and have a feud going on
I had to gather vital info from the nurses
I had to get my Gran moved in to a more comfortable position
I had to get the nurse to change the drip
I had to get my very hungry gran food and drink
I had to drive the 4 hr round trip
I had to be critisised for taking too long bringing the car round to them
I had to then visit my very confused great aunt and see the terrible state she was in
I finally turned to my mum and sister and said ENOUGH
THEY HAVE TO BE LOOKED AFTER PROPERLY, I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT THINKING OF THESE TWO DYING LIKE THS
I then had to suggest how this could happen straight away
They both surprisingly agreed
I went up to my great aunt to tell her what would be happening.....she would be moved to us
my aunt over heard me telling the great aunt and went crazy
who was i to tell her? she hadnt decided to yet
I was shocked to hear my voice rise as I slowly said
YOU JUST AGREED WE ARE NOT LEAVING THEM LIKE THIS
I could hear her slagging me off in the other room
My great aunt (who is very confused) started calling me by the wrong name....she didnt know who I was....or how I was trying to help
Despair......why do I bother
My mum is shirking all her responsibilities and happy for me to do all her jobs for her
atleast my gran and great aunt will be safe now
even if they never know who did it for them
wow< teenage girls require lots of personal space....but give me none! Always want to know what I'm doing.......!!!
Runaway niece is settled here and made a huge improvement...attitude is great and she's happy and cheerful......follows me around at the heels......
This weekend my gran who is in her 90's had a fall and broke alot of bones and is badly bruised....obviously she is in hospital.
My mum has been upsetting me for years regarding this issue.....my gran lives with her sister (also in her 90's) in a city a 2 hour drive from us. I've said for years we need to move them closer, they shouldn't be left on their own so far away from us. But my mum just made excuse after excuse, sickening me as they got older and older
It's not my position to make decesions as I'm the grandchild not the daughter
Today I said to my mum that we must visit my gran.......my mum looked for every excuse she could....
so I said well I'm going and that i had made arrangements for someone to look after the kids.
she couldnt get out of it then
My poor old gran, confused,bruised,broken.....
I noticed my mum kind of hide behind me as we entered the ward....she seemed afraid
She didn't know how to talk to my Gran....so talked across her to my Aunt who was there
My Aunt and my Mum then went on to have an argument across my Gran about which of 'them' was the most poorly
Both my mum and aunt are in ill health and have a feud going on
I had to gather vital info from the nurses
I had to get my Gran moved in to a more comfortable position
I had to get the nurse to change the drip
I had to get my very hungry gran food and drink
I had to drive the 4 hr round trip
I had to be critisised for taking too long bringing the car round to them
I had to then visit my very confused great aunt and see the terrible state she was in
I finally turned to my mum and sister and said ENOUGH
THEY HAVE TO BE LOOKED AFTER PROPERLY, I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT THINKING OF THESE TWO DYING LIKE THS
I then had to suggest how this could happen straight away
They both surprisingly agreed
I went up to my great aunt to tell her what would be happening.....she would be moved to us
my aunt over heard me telling the great aunt and went crazy
who was i to tell her? she hadnt decided to yet
I was shocked to hear my voice rise as I slowly said
YOU JUST AGREED WE ARE NOT LEAVING THEM LIKE THIS
I could hear her slagging me off in the other room
My great aunt (who is very confused) started calling me by the wrong name....she didnt know who I was....or how I was trying to help
Despair......why do I bother
My mum is shirking all her responsibilities and happy for me to do all her jobs for her
atleast my gran and great aunt will be safe now
even if they never know who did it for them
Replies
Yes but YOU\'ll know you did it for them, (or tried to, if you get nowhere),and that\'s the main thing. And your kids will, so you are teaching by example how to be empathetic.xx
You acted like the Adult in the room and took charge! And you proposed a solution to this dreadful situation and able to offer them a place to stay! Wow. With who? You? Your Mom?
I\'m so sorry your Mom is incompetent. Very frustrating to have a useless parent. I don\'t mean any insult by this. My mom has been useless for years. When my grandmother was in a terrible nursing home, where they were turning her into a living vegetable, I wound up yelling at my mother: \"Do Something! This is Insane!\" She called her sister, my Aunt, who ran over there and yanked my grandmother out of the facility and drove her to the hospital. Turns out she was severely dehydrated and had lost 10 pounds a week! The hospital was able to turn her health around, from Vegetable to Functioning Human Being.
Long Story Short: We must Advocate for those who are unable to advocate for themselves. Especially the frail & elderly. Because you and I do have their best interests at heart, while others contemplate their navels.
I am so so sorry to hear of their level of confusion, about the serious nature of your grandmother\'s injuries, and the need for advocacy just to get her basic needs met (IV drip, a meal, making her comfortable).
And I totally relate to this situation. Except for the fact that you took the bull by the horns and were able to offer a solution.
I wish I could offer a solution when I felt so helpless in my grandmother\'s situation. Even my mother\'s. It sounds like, as much as you resent it, you are finding your voice and are the Adult in the Room.
Brilliant. Absolutely Brilliant!
PS: No Big Shocker that your niece is Thriving under your care. Sweetheart, so would I. So would I . . .