desperate for advice!

hello to my dearest, dearest friends i am having such a dilemma, and i just dont know who to turn to.  the pain, of course the pain. its been just over 8 months now since jessy died. i havent cried in 3 weeks, it has been the longest stretch. but it HASNT been okay. i have become increasinly irritable, and i lash out at shopkeepers, or just any stranger who looks at me the wrong way. i cannot bear to be introduced to anyone in passing, and have barely been able to tolerate ANYTHING. i know, its the buidup and no realease of the pain.so tonight i came across the photos on my computer, of jessy, the night before she died, how very very ill she was. the tears started streaming down my face, and before i knew it i was crying and crying and crying. it was a good release. i dont feel any greatly better, i feel sad and alone. my current problem is this. i feel everyone does all the wrong things and i cant stand it. people arrive unannounced and it p----s me off terribly, i find it invasive and intrusive into my private space. people give constant unasked for advice, i cant stand that either.  i could go on forever. the bottom line is, i was thinking of writing a letter, telling people where i am at and what i am going through, and what i would appreciate in terms of my needs, etc.but..... i feel that i would be opening myself to a lot of criticism. i have the issue of PEOPLES' OPINIONS about the other 3 kids. they have had it REALLY hard, they really have. but i DONT NEED ANYONE TO TELL ME THAT- hello! im kind of aware of that! khaely has severe bipolar disorder, with behavioural and learning problems. she is already 2 grades behind in school. my working with her, the psychiatrists, therapists, her moods, screaming, medications, is ENDLESS!!! jarod is mildly (at this point) bipolar, but he has severe anger problems. i work very closely too, with his psychiatrist and meds. he has to repeat grade 3 next year, as the year was taken up by him fighting with all the other kids and refusing to co-operate in class. tali is 5, she is doing okay, but emotionally also been through a really rough time. i AM DEALING WITH...  running to meetings with teachers almost daily, getting called so often as jarod has got hurt at school, doctors, homework. then the recreational stuff, take jarod to karate twice a week in the evenings, it is wonderful for him and he is loving it, and khaely drama, and arranging for friends for them. i am making the greatest effort i believe is humanly possible.when i bath them, i use savlon, and baby oil, then we have fixing time, we cut nails, and fix up all the sores with band aids. then we watch a movie together and they all lie in our arms. else i lie with each of them separately and give them real quality time, each their own time in which they tell me their worries or fears, or stories. sometimes we giggle and laugh. other times they have a good cry and they hold on to me and i stroke them till they are asleep. BUT I ALSO HAVE PAIN - TERRIBE UNBEARABLE PAIN - over JESSY. and if the pain shows in my face, or if i should communicate the pain, the general comments i get are:  "jan, you need to hold yourself together for the sake of the other children" "you cannot collapse else what will happen to your children!""if you have an emotional breakdown, you will lose your children to their father!""you cannot spend your life crying about jessy, you other children also have a right to have you, to have your attention,  to have happiness""you must be very careful not to neglect your other children""you have spent so many years focussing on jessy, now its the others' turn" it is like this constant guilt trip about the other children.  MY sentiments?........ *&^%#%*&  YOU!  how DARE you make such remarks about ME!!i have never neglected my children. my life revolves around my children. i give more love to my children than any of you are even CAPABLE of giving!dont threaten me of what "dangers" there are to my grief! that doesnt help i really dont feel like JUSTIFYING to all of them about the love and care i give to my children. how dare they! so thats the dilemma. if i DONT let people know what my needs are, then they'll just carry on doing as they please, and interfering, and really NOT helping anything at all. but if i DO write a letter letting them know, then their first impression will be,"haaaaaaaaahhh, she's not coping, she's falling apart, what about the children?" any advice for a very frustrated friend?