Despair

I don’t know how these journals are supposed to work.  Do people see them or have to look for them?  Anyway, all I feel is utter despair from this isolation and back problems that have me in horrid pain and anxiety almost 24/7.  Lost my husband and best friend.  Never have been so alone.  I’m more afraid of losing mind than the pandemic.  Can hardly walk, meds for anxiety not as effective because of the stress, no one to talk to personally.  Life has become phone calls to varied doctors and them dispensing more meds that scare me reading the side effects.  My mind is going to very dark places as far as living like this because it isn’t living.