Desire to Live
The desire to live comes from strange sources. I'm an only child. No children. I have a step-daughter and two wonderful grandkids, and a son-in-law. There's a part of me that feel they will eventually leave since our achor is gone. I hope this is not true, but you never know.
After my husband passed, I thought I'd be willing to join him any time. I fantasized about falling asleep and never waking up in this life. I smiled to think about how wonderful it would be to look into my husband's eyes and to finally see our Lord. Wow! I thought it was what I wanted. Then I got sick a couple of nights ago and learned the truth. You see the desire to live comes from strange sources, some not human.
I have two animals, a dog and a bird. So when I woke up with a high fever and feeling awful, I again thought about going to Heaven. Then I looked down at my dog. Who would take care of her? She's near the end of her life, but I wouldn't want her put down just because I'm gone.
And then my bird. He's still a baby with a life expectancy of 30 years. Who would take him? Would someone simply let him go? I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed just thinking: Dad is 82. Step-daughter in no position to take either of my animals. Is there someplace I could take my dog in case I end up in the hospital. I've had pneumonia 3 times. I've known several people who've died from it. If I die in my sleep, will anyone miss me and come check on my animals.
Lord, God, please don't take me, I screamed. I've got to make sure my beloved animals are taken care of.
I look back now and smile. Life is indeed strange.
After my husband passed, I thought I'd be willing to join him any time. I fantasized about falling asleep and never waking up in this life. I smiled to think about how wonderful it would be to look into my husband's eyes and to finally see our Lord. Wow! I thought it was what I wanted. Then I got sick a couple of nights ago and learned the truth. You see the desire to live comes from strange sources, some not human.
I have two animals, a dog and a bird. So when I woke up with a high fever and feeling awful, I again thought about going to Heaven. Then I looked down at my dog. Who would take care of her? She's near the end of her life, but I wouldn't want her put down just because I'm gone.
And then my bird. He's still a baby with a life expectancy of 30 years. Who would take him? Would someone simply let him go? I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed just thinking: Dad is 82. Step-daughter in no position to take either of my animals. Is there someplace I could take my dog in case I end up in the hospital. I've had pneumonia 3 times. I've known several people who've died from it. If I die in my sleep, will anyone miss me and come check on my animals.
Lord, God, please don't take me, I screamed. I've got to make sure my beloved animals are taken care of.
I look back now and smile. Life is indeed strange.
Replies
We do have strange sources of inspiration that makes us keep on going when death is preferable after we lost our dear husbands. Going to sleep and never waking up sounds wonderful, to be present with our Lord and to look into our husbands eyes sounds like a wonderful dream. Then we wake up and it is the next day, we are alive and breathing. Drats! I prefer the dream. I have no animals in our one-bedroom apartment. I have one and only child myself a daughter names Lisa who is expecting my first grandchild - a boy and they will be calling him Tyson Philip. It\'s a nice name and she is due June 10, 2010. Well they say babies never come any where near their due date. I am expecting him early but Lisa thinks he will be late. We shall see as no on really knows when the baby is coming as it is an estimate at best. You are blessed with two animals a dog and bird. What are their names? I had two dogs one time and I loved them like crazy. When they died, I cried myself. They look at you with such love in their eyes. I used to have a budgies named Bertie who was trained to have over 60 phrases in his repertoire. They mimic just like parrots do. He died. I got misty eyes when Bertie died. He loved me in his own way as well. I get attached to my animals and when they die it is like losing a family member. I understand about your concerns. You should make arrangements, if possible, so if anything happens to you, you won\'t be worried. If you don\'t, your step-daughter could just get rid of them as you dad can\'t take them.. It is an idea. Today my cousin Esther is coming to pick me up at 10:30 to go shopping or browsing and then lunch. I have to buy 3 grocery items before I go out with Esther. I am making meat loaft for my brother Don and friend Carol who are coming at 6 p.m. I like to prepare things in advance. I am also making a simple custard using a mix and need some milk. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. today which is unusual as I usually sleep till 7:30 or 8 a.m. I am worried about getting everything ready ahead of time, which is probably why I woke up so early. Take care of yourself and look after your two pets. They are such comfort as they keep you busy looking after them. This is a really good thing. All the best for now and talk to you soon, Diane
It is strange.........the source of our strength to live........comes as unexpectedly as the waves of grief. I have 5 cats.....and I know of no one who would take them.1 was a rescue cat who was abused......the other 4 are littermates from a feral cat.........Norm never really liked cats but when the feral showed up pregnant, I fed her and she had her kittens here...........we watched them grow.......did give 2 of them a home but just couldn\'t part with the rest.............I can\'t bear to think of them at a shelter, or separated, or left out in the wild, so I think I would have them put down...unless I knew someone really wanted them.
Norm has several eye surgeries for a detatched retina and we spent a lot of hours on the deck watching the kittens run around....one really took a shine to him..............they are my family .........son and his family live in WI and I will move there whenever this house sells.....all in God\'s timing........that\'s the easiest way to look at it for me...........
Hope you are feeling better........and I hope his family (your family) stays close to you .........it isn\'t working that way for me here......people get back to their lives and as you stated, your husband was the anchor.............
I still would prefer, if given a choice to die peacefully at any time........and see my Lord who gave me my wonderful love here on earth..........and again to look into Norm\'s eyes........that would truly be heaven...........
Hugs.Lorita
l often thought like this at the beginning,just wanted to be with Frank,if l had the choice now,l think l would say can l go when its my time.l look after my mother,she is very frail,l have become closer to her since Frank died,then there are my kids,who watched their dad suffer terribly then die,so like you l have people who at this moment need me.l think its lovely that you care so much for your animals,take care
Alice
Yes, these are the reasons we need to continue on with our lives. There are people and animals. I have a son, a daughter, 2 sisters, 1 brother and maybe one handulf of friends, 1 dog, 1 house cat, 8 porch cats and all my friends here on DS. I am not happy right now, I miss Rob every moment, there is not one I do that I don\'t feel his absence. It is often overwhelming but I have to keep going. I just don\'t know when the daily crying will stop but I can cry and be sad and still take care of everyone else. We have to do that. maybe sometime in the future we will start feeling like we can take better care of ourselves. Until then I am glad you found your reasons. Hug, Donna
Ok I\'m a pet lover. I have guinea pig that give me some comfort but after Al died I went to the shelter and got a kitten that was sick with pneumonia. He was found living on the street of Chicago in the month of January which was below zero.They let me have him because I was nurse and understand how to give him the medication. They told me that they did not know if he would make it . Well it has been 4 months and he double his weight and doing well
He became my best support. I think in some way he losing his parent he understand me. I know it is wired but this kitten love me for who I am. My family has not been the best support but when I\'m down he come next to me.
Pets can been a great support. I work at a hospital and we now have pet therapy.
Malia