Depth Projection
I experienced an interesting awareness first thing this morning. My undirected thinking, an almost meditative "blank slate" open awareness state allowed my mind to reveal some interesting revelations, about work and my resume'. A possible long-term life problem has been exposed. The question "it", my awareness, asked myself is "Is it possible that I project my shyness onto others?" That "Do I assume others are as fearful of me as I am of them?" "Do I project that they reject me like I do them, at first, because of my natural habit or trait for being SHY"? After-all, shy people are typically rejected for not being socially engaged, for being thinkers, for being fearful, phobic, quiet, and not part of how the vast majority of socially-dependent people act. That strangers from the "norm" are to be judged "wrong" and rejected as foreign to the "tribal social culture" of: "We are all alike and act and think and feel the exact same way in order to feel secure"? "And "WE" are to reject anyone who is not like US"? It's true, you know. I prefer to hang around people like me, my "tribe members" who are 'co-dependent recoverers' or shy people too. I reject loud, pretentiously friendly but shallow extroverts who get their reward strokes from anyone they meet for any reason. It is their way of getting attention and faux-acceptance and approval; and "my way" is to be deeply trusting and caring.
I feel the caring part is EXTREMELY important, since it is a survival tool, and rejection of any kind is felt, unconsciously and subliminally, as a threat to survival. "Extroverts typically are very shallow in their caring" may be a projection on my part, and another indication of an unconscious dependency need.
Still; shyness may be what I am projecting onto others. That I "believe" they are as afraid of depending on me as I am of them, for my safety and security feelings. That perhaps I have been rejected enough in life for being either "shy", or "introverted" that it has become an extension of my identity. I "expect to be rejected and not wanted", so I project that out in any new and novel situations; and as a result, that is exactly what happens. I get rejected because all my mannerisms, both overt and covert, are being "read" or "sensed" by "new" "unknown" associations because that is what I am unconsciously projecting. I expect to be rejected out of habit, and that is what happens. I am so uncomfortable because of this "unconscious projection" that I cannot relax enough to be open and spontaneous; instead I am on extreme alert to any possible sign of "danger of rejection" so that my awareness of fear of rejection "as usual" is the only focused feeling I am experiencing at the time. Any other data suggesting acceptance and caring may be ignored and perceived as "superficial" and "unlikely" due to the prejudiced attention I am feeling to "not-be-rejected" or to expect to be "invalidated".
This is some welcome and highly valuable information this morning, because it allows me to see clearly for the first time in my adult life what may have been going on in my fear of looking for work, of writing my resume', and of interviewing. It is an unconscious pre-set mindset of my own unconscious making that I have not been aware of previously. I need to "check it out" to test its validity. At the moment, the feeling I have is that the "enlightened" information is true; that I do "act" and "feel" this way consistently and "naturally". Before this morning it was unconscious, today it is not. That is a very important and necessary element needed in order to change my future behaviors.
The next step is to be vitally aware of whether I am actually doing this as I have stated in the hypothesis: "Am I projecting my rejection and fear onto others (strangers) pre-emptively because of my classically conditioned experiences in the past for being, or feeling: 'SHY'?"
So which came first: the introversion or the shyness? Is introversion the same as shyness and is introversion just a natural characteristic like someone being "artistic" or "intelligent"; male or female? Is shyness a result of high intelligence with respect to sensitivity to danger? An unusual ability to sense perceived "danger", unconsciously. And is the perception TOO sensitive, and interprets "danger" too sensitively? Probably, I don't know yet.
The important thing right now is to become aware that I am "doing it", as a mental, emotional, or physical "behavior". And is it what has been creating all my difficulties for me? I'm going to go WAY OUT on a limb and suggest that aren't that many people like me who are willing to ask these questions as deeply as I do, and it is a symbol of how "introverted" I am since this amount of questioning, and its depth, is more typical of an introvert than an extrovert. Introverts tend to be deep thinkers, scientific, and need lots of privacy in order to think deeply without the constant interruption of the "noise" of constant communication demanded for the equally dependent and needy social interaction of extroverts.
Returning to the "topic" once again..., the need is to change my future behaviors by learning to teach myself not to "automatically" and "unconsciously" project my feelings of rejection for being shy onto the people I will meet when I will necessarily have to ask for an opportunity to provide some worthwhile service in order to get paid and generate an income stream. It may take some time to discover just how entangled this "habit" is in my approach, now, in order to change it effectively. I understand the "principle" behind the hypothesis, at the moment; and that is not enough to enact lasting change. Now I will necessarily have to learn how the "system" that I have developed in the past is actually working, and how to change that "unconscious, or habitual, operating system" to one that helps me more than it is doing now. Until now, today, I feel it has been a great hindrance to my happiness and success, my "block", since it was unconscious. Now I have to learn how to use this new "awareness" more beneficially.
The "feeling", now, is one of guarded relief.
I have met the enemy. I know, generally, where it hides and how it feels when it acts. I feel a little more confident in the possibilities of changing the past "habit", at the moment. It's okay to be shy, it's not okay to let it continue to be as debilitative as it has been until now. Ignorance is not irresponsibility; awareness, without changing the behavior, is irresponsibility. Now I can begin to learn to develop ways of how to control the emotions around its behaviors, and subsequently the behaviors themselves.
The task is to stop automatically assuming and expecting that I will be rejected BECAUSE of whom I perceive and project I am: Shy and introverted. This is a clear case of enmeshment of identity and behavior. I need to separate the two; even though my feelings of shyness motivate SOME of my behaviors, it is not who I am, and those specific shyness behaviors are not the totality of who I am either. The "shyness" is a "talent", one of many that I have; and not my only "talent", and certainly not my most valuable talent. at best it is only a defense mechanism that is too strong, emotionally and irrationally.
Ricardo
I feel the caring part is EXTREMELY important, since it is a survival tool, and rejection of any kind is felt, unconsciously and subliminally, as a threat to survival. "Extroverts typically are very shallow in their caring" may be a projection on my part, and another indication of an unconscious dependency need.
Still; shyness may be what I am projecting onto others. That I "believe" they are as afraid of depending on me as I am of them, for my safety and security feelings. That perhaps I have been rejected enough in life for being either "shy", or "introverted" that it has become an extension of my identity. I "expect to be rejected and not wanted", so I project that out in any new and novel situations; and as a result, that is exactly what happens. I get rejected because all my mannerisms, both overt and covert, are being "read" or "sensed" by "new" "unknown" associations because that is what I am unconsciously projecting. I expect to be rejected out of habit, and that is what happens. I am so uncomfortable because of this "unconscious projection" that I cannot relax enough to be open and spontaneous; instead I am on extreme alert to any possible sign of "danger of rejection" so that my awareness of fear of rejection "as usual" is the only focused feeling I am experiencing at the time. Any other data suggesting acceptance and caring may be ignored and perceived as "superficial" and "unlikely" due to the prejudiced attention I am feeling to "not-be-rejected" or to expect to be "invalidated".
This is some welcome and highly valuable information this morning, because it allows me to see clearly for the first time in my adult life what may have been going on in my fear of looking for work, of writing my resume', and of interviewing. It is an unconscious pre-set mindset of my own unconscious making that I have not been aware of previously. I need to "check it out" to test its validity. At the moment, the feeling I have is that the "enlightened" information is true; that I do "act" and "feel" this way consistently and "naturally". Before this morning it was unconscious, today it is not. That is a very important and necessary element needed in order to change my future behaviors.
The next step is to be vitally aware of whether I am actually doing this as I have stated in the hypothesis: "Am I projecting my rejection and fear onto others (strangers) pre-emptively because of my classically conditioned experiences in the past for being, or feeling: 'SHY'?"
So which came first: the introversion or the shyness? Is introversion the same as shyness and is introversion just a natural characteristic like someone being "artistic" or "intelligent"; male or female? Is shyness a result of high intelligence with respect to sensitivity to danger? An unusual ability to sense perceived "danger", unconsciously. And is the perception TOO sensitive, and interprets "danger" too sensitively? Probably, I don't know yet.
The important thing right now is to become aware that I am "doing it", as a mental, emotional, or physical "behavior". And is it what has been creating all my difficulties for me? I'm going to go WAY OUT on a limb and suggest that aren't that many people like me who are willing to ask these questions as deeply as I do, and it is a symbol of how "introverted" I am since this amount of questioning, and its depth, is more typical of an introvert than an extrovert. Introverts tend to be deep thinkers, scientific, and need lots of privacy in order to think deeply without the constant interruption of the "noise" of constant communication demanded for the equally dependent and needy social interaction of extroverts.
Returning to the "topic" once again..., the need is to change my future behaviors by learning to teach myself not to "automatically" and "unconsciously" project my feelings of rejection for being shy onto the people I will meet when I will necessarily have to ask for an opportunity to provide some worthwhile service in order to get paid and generate an income stream. It may take some time to discover just how entangled this "habit" is in my approach, now, in order to change it effectively. I understand the "principle" behind the hypothesis, at the moment; and that is not enough to enact lasting change. Now I will necessarily have to learn how the "system" that I have developed in the past is actually working, and how to change that "unconscious, or habitual, operating system" to one that helps me more than it is doing now. Until now, today, I feel it has been a great hindrance to my happiness and success, my "block", since it was unconscious. Now I have to learn how to use this new "awareness" more beneficially.
The "feeling", now, is one of guarded relief.
I have met the enemy. I know, generally, where it hides and how it feels when it acts. I feel a little more confident in the possibilities of changing the past "habit", at the moment. It's okay to be shy, it's not okay to let it continue to be as debilitative as it has been until now. Ignorance is not irresponsibility; awareness, without changing the behavior, is irresponsibility. Now I can begin to learn to develop ways of how to control the emotions around its behaviors, and subsequently the behaviors themselves.
The task is to stop automatically assuming and expecting that I will be rejected BECAUSE of whom I perceive and project I am: Shy and introverted. This is a clear case of enmeshment of identity and behavior. I need to separate the two; even though my feelings of shyness motivate SOME of my behaviors, it is not who I am, and those specific shyness behaviors are not the totality of who I am either. The "shyness" is a "talent", one of many that I have; and not my only "talent", and certainly not my most valuable talent. at best it is only a defense mechanism that is too strong, emotionally and irrationally.
Ricardo
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