Depression and anxiety

everyday I awake to my chest freaking pounding in a hurtful irritable way awaking me out of sleep into complete aggregation. I'm on kalotopin 1 mg a day but still it seems as if I need more. Prayer helps most times. Being in the comfort of my two kids my one year old and the one in my tummy. I love them so much. But sometimes I allow the past to replay in my head, fill my head with dilutions of things that had happened but are not anymore and things that I feel are happening from others to trigger my that part of the memory of trauma in my mind just to keep me there. The worst years of my life were basically at the age 22. I'm 26 now but 25 was pretty bad too the only beautiful thing that happens was I gave birth to a beautiful boy "my son" and  I prayed for him. He's what keeps me going when I'm not strong and Christ, along with my baby in my tummy too. The best part of my life is being a mother and when I feel it's threatened I get extremely depressed and feel major anxiety. No thanks to Ryder Anthony Laramore of course who I want to escape from and keep out of my kids life. He's no father nor father figure, nor role model, no healer, there's nothing amazing about his style of teaching lessons doing what he does, calling yourself Lucifer just because you either are, a worshipper or your just wanting to mind control me with the dilliussions and illusions of slavery in his name doesn't quite comfort me with someone like that being around my kids. So I will keep him out everyway possible of our lives. And I don't care who reads that. A man that did what he did to me doesn't deserve freedom I wish God would take his life. It's not in my hands. I enjoy not being in prison. And I love my kids they don't deserve the best person in there life to be taking away because he would just win. Like he wants. I'm better then that. That end part of control over me will soon end and all my depression, tears, actsas if I'm ok. And anxiety and horrid nightmares one so sick couldn't even think up. Will disappear the day I never hear that name that whisper his sound see a spider nor remember his face again. Sometimes the best thing for a fool is silence, sometimes the best quality in getting even is no notes. No statements, moving on with your life and gaining back everything that was taken and doing it legally with the knowledge gained. Being all smiles and no aggregation never let them see you fall. Cry, get aggravated just thank them, smile and say goodbye. Amen.God is Good all the time,!