Depression, again.
Sounding like a broken record. I rarely feel joy anymore. I know all these things happening such as the pandemic and rioting is largly causing it. I can't see how anybody getting through this without some depession. It used to be that I would get periods of depression and it would go away. After that I would be able to feel joy, again. Now after a bout of depression, I feel mostly numb or bored. I feel tired all the time.
I've tried thinking positive but it's hard. A lifetime of being in toxic environments will turn you into a pessimist. I didn't go looking for these environments. It just happened. Example: my family growing up, being bullied all through school, bad work environments, etc.
I just want to be able to feel joy, again, even if it's for just a little while. I wish my boyfriend and I could be together in person so I could curl up with him. He is so sweet and compassionate. Because of the quarantine, we talk on the phone alot. I'm grateful for that but I miss seeing him and being able to touch him.
I feel so scared.
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Im sorry you are feeling depression right now. I feel it too due to thus week’s events and thinking about times growing up. I have been spending lots of time online because I feel emptiness and sadness and wish I could invite friends over or something.
Im glad you have phone calls with your boyfriend though - though it’s not in-person it’s nice to have someone to talk to. Stay strong. Big hugs.
I thought of you while I listened to this video...believe it or not, John said to me once "don't let negative energy be your friend"....he was in high school at the time. I don't know, but the energy, mental, that you give to your past, could you use that energy to think more of your future....I share going down in the hole with you....I know eventually I'll come back up, my issue is as I get older, it's harder to come back. There are so many people who have much worse lives than I have, that is Not to negate the trials I've lived through, or that you have lived through. I just try to remember I have so much more than I need. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIKFEkO3Qss